As a woman, if you only have one or two sexual
relationships before ‘settling down’ you may
never realize sex is possible in a position
other than missionary, or the best way to orgasm.
In theory, this type of exploration can take place
in a steady relationship. But many men and women
have had the sad experience of mating with someone
who refuses to indulge in playful sex or whose
preferences are entirely at odds with their partner’s.
Casual sex bypasses this by being concerned primarily
with the libido, which is typically regarded as a
source of shame and fear, but can yield its own
profound and revelatory moments.
The fear and propaganda around one-night
stands isn’t just sexist, it’s illogical.
Bad long-term relationships involving miscommunication,
unmet expectations, and lies are just as likely to
damage participants as any sexual disappointment on a short-term scale.
Maybe you feel insecure with casual sex.
Both men and women are only as vulnerable as they allow
themselves to be, and provided they’re with someone
who won’t exploit it, vulnerability can be a beautiful
thing whether in the confines of a traditional relationship or not.
A series of hook ups might lead you to the conclusion
you’re enjoying single life and not ready for anything
longer-term. Or it may prove that you feel the best
sexually and emotionally when you’re serious about someone.
Quarantine
If you were fortunate enough to have been locked up
inside with a quarantine partner during restrictions
you probably had more sex than usual.
And why not? It’s fun, it reduces stress,
it gets your heart pumping — all things we
need to combat the boredom, anxiety, and
sluggishness that can come with being cooped up inside.
“Can You Handle
Both of Us?”
New Wave Instagram
“You Can Bounce on Me”
“Have We Been Introduced?”
Who’s the Big Teaser?
“Am I Having the
Right Effect on You?”
“When Will This
Quarantine End?”
“Wanna Break the Law?”
Quarantine End?”
Non-traditional dating apps have seen a surge in users and popularity following the lockdown, with latest data indicating that Feeld, London-based polyamorous dating app, reported a 50% annual rise in memberships recently.
While research shows that a fifth of singles who had an active love life before lockdown are spending more time on dating apps with a quarter of those aged 18 to 24 now swiping more.
Despite the US being considered stiff and unyielding, and with sexual relations hitting a slump, the desire to explore alternative sexual encounters and kinks is clearly on the rise.
Don’t Call Me a Prude
Proud to Be a Prude
‘Fundamental’ social conservatives are proud to be called prudes. It’s a badge of honor.
Prudes, they would argue, should be upheld as exemplary role models because a sexually repressive society is also a society with fewer unplanned pregnancies and fewer sexually transmitted diseases.
But not only do the facts not bear that out, they also demonstrate that the exact opposite is true.
Countries that embrace many of the things social conservatives detest, like comprehensive sex education, pro-gay legislation, nude or topless beaches, legal or decriminalized prostitution, adult entertainment, tend to be countries that have less sexual dysfunction than the United States, not more.
When one compares sexual attitudes in the United States to sexual attitudes in Western Europe, it becomes evident that there is a strong correlation between social conservatism and higher rates of teen pregnancy, abortion and sexually transmitted diseases.
Don’t Call Me a Prude!
Calling a woman a slut because she happens to enjoy sex a la carte or on the first date (or for any reason) is just not on these days. If you use the word as a man, you’re misogynist. If you use it as a woman, you’re anti-feminist.
While the shaming of the word has spread acceptance of women’s sexual liberation, it’s a woman’s right to not use that liberation just because it’s there. Which brings me to my point: it’s just as terrible to call a woman a prude as it is to call her a slut.
Whipping out the word “prude” to describe a partner who isn’t willing to strip down on your time table is incredibly, unfairly judgmental.
It’s when the term comes into the hands of a potential lover as a means of pressure that it becomes the most problematic.
Take my friend’s potential prude-gate situation with the guy she wasn’t quite ready to sleep with. She wasn’t using the word prude as a non-emotionally-charged description of herself and her resolute decision to make more modest choices.
She was using it to assess her understanding of her partner’s disappointment in ending yet another date without sex.
She was using it to pass judgment on herself as she believed he would. And when used that way, as it often is, prude becomes just as dangerous as slut.
It creates another demoralizing pejorative that is meant to make a woman change behavior society (or men in that society) have deemed unwanted.
In the wrong hands, either word can become a weapon wrought with unfair expectation, judgment, and negativity.
Whether you’re calling someone out for a dearth of dirty business or an excess of sexual activity, using either prude or slut to describe that person simply whittles his or her thoughts, feelings, and decisions down to a single derisive word.
There are host of reasons one might choose to slow down or speed up the track to sexual satisfaction.
Slapping a callous word in place devalues those thoughts and reasons and places women on a difficult balance beam of trying to find that magic spot where she’s not putting out too much but is putting out just enough. Trust me, that spot is harder to find than the mystical G spot.
Dating is tough enough as it is – do we really need another reason to opt for the safety of Netflix and pizza over the terrifying excitement of coffee with someone new?
The answer is more obvious than me renewing my Netflix subscription for yet another month. Let’s just agree to let each other make the choices that are right for us without pressure and judgment and drop prude into the slut-bucket, where it belongs.