Bluntly: Sex Is More
than Cock in Cunt
Sex remains broadly defined as ‘penis-in-vagina’ [piv]
activity, leaving many women unable to describe the sex
they’re having in their fantasies as that boring definition.
Many of my sex fantasies are sadomasochistic and
not explicitly sexual. I frequently fantasize about
beatings without orgasm or genital contact.
Sex in the sense of fucking (fingers, cock, fist)
or oral is usually only one component in my
fantasies and indeed in my sex life.
Not only does our current definition limit sex
to vanilla heterosexuals and exclude anyone
who prefers non-procreative sex, but it also
classifies the 70–75 percent of women who
find it hard to climax through penetrative
sex as sexually ‘dysfunctional’.
We often make the mistake of equating sex with
penis entering vagina, despite the fact there’s
a whole spectrum of activities that don’t fit this mold.
Between our uncreative attitudes about sex and
the derogatory vocabulary surrounding it, we’re
leaving out thousands of perfectly credible and enjoyable acts.
Take the phrase “getting it in,” with the “it”
being the penis and the target being the female.
Isn’t it what you do when you score a hoop
in basketball? Are we really equating the
physical connection of two individuals via
their genitalia to something as trivial
as scoring a point?
Terms like “getting some,” “getting ass,” “hitting it”
and “taking virginity” enforce the same idea, turning
the heterosexual female into a passive semen receptacle.
As a female who frequently finds herself on
top during intercourse, I strongly object.
This attitude as phallocentrism. The notion that
penile penetration is at the center of our
conceptualization of sexual intercourse.
Does this mean that sex with neither penis nor
penetration (for instance two women stimulating
one another orally) isn’t really sex? I think not.
It’s time for us to recognize that sex doesn’t always
mean a straight man driving his probably-not-that-
powerful member into some eager, penis-loving female.
Let’s expand our vocabulary. A short list
of more tasteful, more tolerant sex words
that are less vulgar and a lot more fun to say.
Getting it on – A phrase describing the initiation
of a sexual act between one or more people [my
roommate and her girlfriend were getting it on all night.)
Making Waves –
A phrase conjuring up pleasure, movement, serenity
Used to describe a sexual act in which the partners share an
emotional connection, accompanied by fond words and post-sex cuddles.
A lovely phrase with a double meaning.
You both achieve orgasm simultaneously and you develop
a shared harmony. It expresses a sexual bond between
the two of you. Partners consider each other’s sexual
needs and preferences. Through exploration you learn
and give what he/she wants.
In Your Dreams
When it comes to sex we connect physically,
emotionally and spiritually with the deepest part of
our psyches, recovering what was suppressed or lost.
By acting out our sexual fantasies under the right
circumstances, we have the opportunity to experience
our true desires and with time, work through the
mastery of the conflicts behind them.
Whether the scenario is as conventional as romantic seduction or as robust as sex with toys, whips or ropes, we restore ourselves to wholeness bringing into alignment what we’ve uncovered about our secret desires with actual physical experience.
Sometimes this happen organically. One day we just might find ourselves falling into the arms of our lover or bent over their knee for a spanking. But setting up a specific scene with a partner may be more meaningful and satisfying.
Some partners prefer to keep the structure loose, emphasizing a few actions or fragments of stories, while others, prefer a more highly structured script laying out the scenario detail for detail.
Either way, we engage all our senses in full action – moving, talking, imagining, touching – an involvement that is ultimately both thrilling and spiritual.
When we act out our fantasies with a partner with whom we are truly sexually and otherwise compatible, we enter into an altered state, a realm in which play is supremely important, yet nothing could be more real and serious.
It is a paradox in which we ecstatically lose ourselves to passion, yet remain sublimely tethered to our deepest psychological truth, welcoming the ghosts of the past.
All the different levels of our sexuality run together and sex becomes profoundly meaningful. It is a true elixir – a cathartic experience which reconciles old conflicts and satisfies unmet needs.
Some of us may feel a particular fantasy shouldn’t be shared, that it would feel creepy or somehow destructive to act out it with a partner. You should you work through the fear, shame and guilt that holds your desire hostage.
It turns out that a woman’s top fantasy is girl-on-girl sex. Men frequently fantasize watching this. One woman described a scenario she masturbates to:
“I’m at the gym, alone in the steam room with a beautiful woman. Without talking, we let our towels fall and then start kissing, rubbing, and licking each other until we get off.”
What’s the allure? Most girls believe another woman would instinctively understand their bodies and know how to bring them to orgasm.
“I can so easily make myself come. I imagine another woman could do the same. Plus, it’s exciting to imagine how soft and different a woman’s body parts would feel versus a man’s.”
Toss Him Off
I’m quite young and I’ve never tossed off a guy before.
my boyfriend and I are planning to do it quite soon but
I just don’t know how to!? Also what should I do with his cum?
1. Start by placing your hand on his shaft [I would
really recommend you take his pants off]
2. Wrap your finger around it, your thumb on the
opposite side, you can use it to add extra
stimulation as you stroke. [clip your nails short]
3. Start moving your hand up and down on his penis,
slowly, in a tight grip, but not too tight, otherwise
you’ll hurt him. Basically what you are doing is
pulling on his foreskin. You can imagine it;s like milking a cow.
4. After a few strokes, start doing some kind
of action with that thumb. When you reach the
top of the penis [the head] rub it slightly
on the pisshole. Some boys like that, some don’t.
5. Another very sensitive part is the underside
of the penis, a little piece of skin called
the frenulum, that connects the foreskin to the penis.
You can apply pressure on it during short strokes.
6. As you notice he’s getting excited, start doing
it harder and faster until he comes. It will most
likely end up on your hands or on the clothes.
If you’d like to add an erotic twist, lick it off and eat it.
Cruising for Pleasure
Make Her Mine
My Cunt Is Your Cunt