I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than a year.
Although we’re crazy about each other, I sometimes
feel I’m not good enough for him.
Despite these insecurities, everything was
great until I discovered he watches porn.
He’d viewed it on my laptop he’d borrowed for work
You may find this a disappointment but men are voyeurs.
They constantly look at women. The male gaze.
All of us has secret desires and fantasies.
Men, especially, will have been in a private
sexual relationship with themselves for far
longer than they have been with any woman.
Even in a very sexually active relationship,
men need visual stimulation. They become sexually
aroused several times during the course of the day.
Unlike women, they can’t shut it out. Often,
it’s good for them and can help with everything
from stress to depression.
Naturally, Men Watch Porn
Who views porn? Overwhelmingly, men by themselves.
No surprise there. Men become aroused visually,
while women become aroused by touch. That’s why
men love women in skimpy outfits and lingerie
(they view it) while women prefer bubble baths
and spa treatments (they feel it).
Men Are Voyeurs
Men are pretty much hard-wired to like
watching other people having sex.
Porn-induced arousal has been linked
to many parts of the brain. One recent
theory holds certain brain cells
‘light up’ when an action is performed,
as well as when it’s observed.
They play an important role in male arousal.
The ‘lighting up’ effect is caused by mirror neurons,
a special class of brain cell that fires both when people
perform an action and when they observe it being performed.
Knowing what’s fired up by porn doesn’t
tell us why our brains get turned on.
PORNOGRAPHY from LARDUX FILMS on Vimeo.
It’s all down to evolution. Men’s brains are
hard-wired for easy arousal. They’re ready
for sex whenever opportunity knocks.
It’s a propagation-of-the-species thing.
With online porn so readily at hand,
vicarious opportunities are ever present.
Pornland: How the Porn Industry Has Hijacked Our Sexuality from MEF Digital on Vimeo.
Is There a Non-Porn
Man in the House?
Researchers had planned a study comparing the views
of men in their 20s who had never been exposed
to pornography with regular users.
But their project stumbled at the first hurdle when
they couldn’t find a single man who hadn’t watched it.
Around 90% of porn consumption is on the internet, while 10% comes from video stores. Single men watched porn for an average of 40 minutes, three times a week, while those in relationships watched it 1.7 times a week for around 20 minutes.
Men watch porn matching their own image of sexuality, and quickly discarded material they found offensive or distasteful. Porn doesn’t have a negative effect on men’s sexuality.Very few men have a pathological sexuality. Most men’s sexual practices are quite conventional.
Porn hasn’t changed their perception of women or their relationship, which they all want to be as harmonious and fulfilling as possible.
Until 1980, men interested in porn had to visit the few thousand adult theaters peppered around the nation’s cities, suburbs, and rural areas.
People talked about “trench coats” and “dirty old men.” Then home video arrived, and soon every rental outlet had an adult section. Viewing soared. Some men’s spouses became alarmed and a new term entered the lexicon, “porn addiction.”
Since the late-1990s when the Internet took off, porn sites have become one of the top destinations. Today, more than 25 billion Web pages present every type of X-rated fare imaginable for free. And today, many people (mostly women) consider “porn addiction” a major problem.
Is it? No way. A small fraction of men watch so much so compulsively that it is a problem. They need therapy. But the vast majority of porn viewers are guys who enjoy a little X-rated action while masturbating. Is this “addiction”? No.
Porn celebrates men’s erotic fantasies, a world where women are perpetually horny, available, enthusiastic, and happy to service men endlessly while ignoring courtship, intimacy, marriage, birth control, infection prevention, and their own sexual satisfaction.
Critics claim porn causes rape. It doesn’t. Porn causes only one thing – masturbation. Generating erotic fantasies takes effort. Why expend the energy when porn provides all the fantasies you could ever want?
All the research on porn and interviews of sex therapists agree that men who use porn don’t consider it relationship betrayal. They don’t love their spouses or girlfriends any less, nor do they judge their lovers harshly compared with the women they see on screen.