A threesome is the most common sexual fantasy among Americans.
Yet among those who had acted on it, threesomes were also
the fantasy that was least likely to turn out well because
the three individuals involved had very different expectations.
What’s Your Mix?
Just as you would plan a meal,
it’s important to first decide what you would
like to eat and which ingredients you want to
put in it. First fantasise about which type
of threesome you would most desire.
To make things easier, here are 5 potential
threesomes dynamics you can choose from:
All male (MMM)
Two male one female (MMF)
One male two female (MFF)
All female (FFF)
Gender-fluid threesome (GFT)
Motivations for a threesome go far beyond straightforward
novelty-seeking, from ticking it off on a sexual “bucket list”,
to settling psychological debts. For example, by levelling
the score with an unfaithful partner.
It can be an absolute sex romp. It can be about power,
it can be about fun and excitement, it can be about alcohol.
It can be that it was just there, and why not?
There can be a lot of coercion when it comes
to group sex and women’s participation.
If you think about a threesome between two gang
members and one of the girls who hangs out with
the gang – that threesome could be just as much
about affirming a hierarchy among the men as
it has anything to do with her.
Much of the opposition to threesomes is rooted
in society’s centering of monogamy, which continues
to be rewarded with legal and cultural benefits
even as marriage rates have fallen.
Though consensual non-monogamy is increasingly
visible in media and research, many people are
put off exploring it themselves because of the
wide-reaching social stigma.
People practicing consensual non-monogamy are viewed
negatively in just about every way – from their safe
sex practices to their effectiveness as parents.
Three-way relationships [ménage à trois} are not easy.
Some form a cheerful, some a fraught. Some come to quiet
arrangements within existing marriages, while others
see an open relationship as a radical, political act.
We seem to be in an era that’s freshly questioning
conventional relationship structures, and more
open-minded towards alternatives.
Or more nosey, at least: barely a day goes by without
a new article about polyamory, ethical non-monogamy,
or relationship anarchy.
The language and terminology may be different,
but many of the ideas are the same as those
wrestled with – practically, romantically,
creatively – by the 20th-Century avant-garde.
Who’s Going To Be In It?
Chemistry is important when you’re a couple, but
even more important with three people in the mix.
Inviting the right people is the most important
part of having a good time.
If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, agree
beforehand what kind of person you want to
invite in for a threesome.
Is it a man? A woman? Ideally, it’s
someone you’re both attracted to
– or at least comfortable with.
Some people prefer picking up strangers at a bar.
Others might have more fun by asking a sexually-
adventurous friend. You could even check out dating
and hookup apps for an interested third!