People enjoy feeling desired, but they don’t want to feel
as if sex ‘was an obligation. Instead of saying, ‘do you
want to have sex,’ try saying something more flirtatious
like, ‘you’re looking particularly desirable today’.
A simple act can help get your partner in the mood,
as long as sex is something they’re interested in.
Women Want to Be Desired
Posting soft porn images has become a
favourite activity among girls and women.
In evolutionary terms we may be predisposed
to share naked pictures of ourselves with others.
Being desired is very arousing to women.
The way women feel about themselves may be very
important to their experience of sexual desire
and subjective arousal, possibly even outweighing
the impact of their partners’ view of them.
Women Want to Be
More than half of women’s sexual fantasies reflect the desire to be sexually irresistible to men. In one recent survey, 47 per cent of women reported the fantasy of seeing themselves as a striptease dancer, or performing on a pole. 50 percent fantasized about being desirable to more more than one man.
The little data we have indicate that eroticism just will not be told what to do. We have yet to explore the diversity and full range of women’s sexual desires.
The popularity of selfies has meant more photographs of nude women have spread round the web. These can often be quite candid. “Look I’m human, and just like every girl in this world, I admire my body so i take pics, wrote one blogger.
Websites showing amateur self portraits have also become a huge success around the world, many using pictures taken from Facebook and other social networking sites.
Men do it too. They may have inherited the urges from primate ancestors. Male monkeys and apes routinely display their penises to females to indicate sexual interest.
We shouldn’t underestimate the importance to a woman of being desired in a very primal way. One woman told me that one of the best things about her current relationship was how strongly desired her boyfriend made her feel.
It was both physical and intellectual and at the same time that she felt respected and cared for. She said it was important for her to be desired physically, but not just physically: desired for everything she is, inside and out.
It’s difficult for men, especially those of us who appreciate and embrace the importance of being respectful and considerate toward women, to balance those attitudes with the bestial, non-rational expressions of passion and desire that women want from us.
Most men want to express those feelings as well—and some men, unfortunately, do so in ways that are hurtful and wrong. But I think it’s natural that men who respect and appreciate women are confused about when it’s acceptable to express those desires in a more primitive way.
It’s difficult for a guy to know when it’s OK to express desire and passion, and if he waits until a woman explicitly allows it, that defeats the purpose of spontaneous expressions of desire.
A woman wants to feel overwhelmingly desired, not rationally considered. The problem for the considerate man, however, is how to express overwhelming desire within the constraints he holds himself to and he feels a woman is entitled to; in other words, he doesn’t know how to be both the beast and the gentleman she wants and deserves.
It takes communication and understanding, fostered within a loving and caring relationship, to make both the man and the woman comfortable with spontaneous expressions of tremendous passion.
The balance a couple can achieve in the context of a committed, affectionate relationship is also important in the relationship’s early stages, when the couple is less likely to have achieved this level of understanding.
It’s exactly at this point in a relationship that a man is most uncertain about where to strike that balance between thoughtful consideration and overwhelming desire.
My friend responded that this is an argument for taking things more slowly when starting a relationship, to make sure that the communication and understanding between a couple keeps ahead of both the emotional and physical involvement.
It has to be in a way that doesn’t put out the fires of the passion of the early stages of a relationship. Wise counsel, but more easily said than done.
Sex & Teen Culture
I recently saw a girl wearing a “Virginity Rocks” T-shirt. I thought maybe it’d be interesting to control your sexual impulses and desires, to be confident enough to declare your ideology on a T-shirt.
The accomplishment one might feel to be sex-free amidst all outside influences must surely reaffirm the authority of the religious or moral framework that guides them. It was a dorky shirt, but who cares, more power to them.
But I can’t help but feel like virginity pledges draw attention to the exterior declaration of self-control with the optimistic reassurance that “Everything’s fine!”
But is it? That girl is denying natural urges. Does virginity “rock?” Is it a kickin’, fun party, or is that a sales pitch?
Declaring virginity doesn’t mean you must be living a double life, but it does seem to be a difficult standard to uphold, certainly one enforced by moral authority.
There is clearly a justified premise that many nowadays feel pressured to have sex, but it seems social pressure, if not fear and manipulation, can equally be levered to demand virginity and invoke shame.
then there’s the fear facor. Christian zealots claim condoms areunsafe and women on birth control are “10 times more likely to contract a disease or end up sterile or dead.”
Why are some so driven to control something we can recognize as generally harmless and, by definition, not our business?
What’s unfortunate about religious devices whose aim is to control sex is that they can succeed, often with people who aren’t even religious.
There’s a growing group of men who abstain from masturbation as a means of finding personal health, an emotional center uninterrupted by deviant urges and an eventual reclamation of manhood.
There are many who can benefit from curtailing some unhealthy sexual habits, but not under the premise that all urges are deviant or that abstinence is the key to moral and personal fortitude.
We can recognize the tortured logic behind “pray the gay away” methods, but I see campaigns that pressure people into disavowing sex to be similarly stifling and manipulative.
Even when we distrust Christian theology as a guide for sexual topics, we can succumb to its shaming tactics and demands for purity.
If the goal of our regulation is indeed emotional balance, finding healthier methods for regulating our behavior is key.