Virginity is often a loaded word. We place
a lot of importance and pressure on losing it
and gaining sexual experience.
Often, having sex for the first time becomes
a major milestone for many, and the memories
of those often awkward, sometimes painful,
occasionally funny moments tend to stay with us.
You’re going out with a teenage girl
who vibrates with sexuality. You start to talk
round the possibility of having sex.
She tells you she’s still a virgin
You want to make her first sexual
experience easy and low-stress
When you start to get more physical with each other,
try to go in with an attitude of exploration than
with a destination in mind. Encourage her to do so as well.
This is probably even more of an issue for her than you.
If she starts the day off thinking “we’re going to have
sex today” that might make it hard for her to just relax
and have a good time exploring.
Make sure she knows you’re happy to take a leisurely,
exploratory pace if she wants to. But be ready with protection.
On the other hand, once she’s turned on she may
just want to get down to it, in which case, have fun!
While it is important not to push her, she may be
one of the many women who respond well to a certain
level of aggressiveness/assertiveness.
So if she seems to be looking to you to take
the lead, don’t be afraid to do so, as long
as you’re checking for consent and arousal.
Virgin Chronicles
It’s a good idea to start exploring her vagina
with your finger. Lick your finger first and
then playfully slide it in. This will ease
her into the experience.
Ideally, you’ll bring her to orgasm, allow her
time to recover and then start back up again.
Penetration should happen right before her second orgasm.
Is This Your First Time?
The First Time You Make
Love to Your Partner
She’ll be so turned on she’ll put up with
just about anything. You may meet up with
resistance if her hymen is intact.
Don’t attempt penetration unless you’re fully
erect. Anything less will be painful for her.
First Time Lesbian Sex
Saving Herself for Daddy
Sexual Purity Nightmare
QUESTION: For most of my adolescent and adult life I have been living the purity dream. I suppressed most of my sexual urges. No dating, no fantasizing, no touching. I was more or less asexual, and almost completely clueless.
Then I fell in love with a fine young man, and we fully intend to marry each other once our life circumstances settle down. He and I started doing the things that young couples tend to do, like holding hands, or an arm around the shoulders or waist.
But I couldn’t handle it. The feelings I had were either so overwhelming and powerful I had to stop, or I felt completely and totally numb.
I’ve needed ongoing therapy to get over this, but it is clear that for the present, even if the young man and I did get married, the two of us would not be able to have a sex life.
The act of marriage would not be able to overcome the years of sexual dysfunction that I have imposed on myself.
The young man, God bless him, loves me and wants to marry me anyway, even if this never changes, and even if that means we can never have biological children together.
I feel betrayed, because I did everything I was told with regard to abstinence, and it led me to a place where I wasn’t able to cope with sex at all and feel so broken.
Is this how abstinence is supposed to work? I can’t think of anyone I could ask other than you, John, who would listen to me and take me seriously and give me an honest answer. Bless you for just reading this and getting this far.
ANSWER: The whole Christian purity, “I’m saving myself for daddy” thing is insane. It’s as insane a thing as any culture, anywhere, has ever produced.
And it’s left you not knowing if (so to speak) you’re coming or going.
Your body has a consciousness at least as rich, complex, and immediate as the consciousness that comes out of your mind. Your misfortune is that you’ve severed yourself from that consciousness.
That doesn’t mean that your body’s consciousness has ceased to exist; it just means that you’ve learned to ignore the vast amount of information it’s constantly producing.
You did that because you learned that’s what God wants you to do. You learned that being a good girl for God and (I presume) for daddy means ignoring and ultimately mentally overriding your body’s consciousness. So that’s what you did.
Your body now wants its rights to be recognized, acknowledged, legitimized. You just have to start tuning into what your body is now so desperately trying to communicate to you. So do that.
Wave good-bye to daddy. The lights of your Purity Ball have now been turned off. Time to ditch that paradigm of existence. It’s not like it’s going to start working for you.
You’re not a little girl anymore. Daddy’s not going to be the man the woman in you needs.
Just sit back, and let the consciousness of your body take over. Before long you’ll find yourself wanting to take a long, hot bath by candlelight.
You’ll want to stretch; a little yoga would be just the thing here. You’ll want to take long walks outside; you’ll want sun on your skin. You’ll want to have a glass of wine, and some delicious food. You’ll want to dance.
At some point in this process invite your boyfriend over. Share with him what you’re going through. See how he feels about it all. And see also how you feel about him.
Your letter tells me that a good deal of your problem might be that you’re simply not sexually attracted to your boyfriend.
My first thought when I read your letter was, “Oh, she’s a lesbian. And he’s gay.”
Who but a gay man would be okay marrying a woman he can’t have sex with? And tons of Christian marriages are between a man and woman who don’t yet realize they’re gay. It’s so classic
You can do this. You can become the happily sexual person you want to be. It’s your body. Let it do for you what it’s so long been waiting to.
Trust that we were make to have sex for pleasure. Your body has wisdom your mind can’t begin to conceive. Access that wisdom. It’s yours.
