When was the last time your fuck of the
night bit your ear and whispered,
“How do you want it?” and you responded,
“Baby, give it to me missionary=style.
I really want to just lie here and take
it like a little bitch, you bad boy.”
Let’s face it, missionary convenient, simple and it gives
at least 50 percent of the hookups the option of getting
in a quick nap.
But, there really isn’t anything very exciting about
the old mish posish. I don’t know about you, but in
school I am definitely not just trying to pass with
the bare minimum, and it’s no different when I’m in bed — A+ or nothing.
Upside-Down, Inside-Out
Unless you’re warming up your mojo or trying to get by with Sex for Dummies, I’m going to have to give missionary a low C. Students, get out your notepads, because I’m about to teach you how to fuck up the entire class’s sex curve with some easy-to-handle variations on some old classics.
Let’s first start with some simple maneuvers born out of the original lame sex culprit itself. Ok, so you know when a rabid monkey jumps on your face and wraps its tiny little man-legs around your head? Yeah girls, you know what I’m talking about, wrap your legs around his body like an orangutan in heat; oh and here’s a novel idea, push back.
Honestly what kills me the most about missionary is that the chick often just lays there like a beached fish — it’s like ping-pong with a wall or just ping. Grab that ball and pong him back, woman. He might as well be fucking a corpse — which nasty it is — is actually a thing. So make like an upside-down, super-malleable pepper grinder and work him back.
Another easy hop, skip and a fuck away from missionary involves grabbing her legs and moving them around until something feels fantastic. Go ahead, continental soldier, throw ‘em over your shoulder. Just maybe avoid tying them in a knot and/ or bow while testing out her flexibility.
Out-of-Ordinary
There are hundreds of crazy-ass sex positions out there. I’ve narrowed it down to a few (realistic) personal favorites that branch off from the go-to moves you already have in your itinerary.
I really think most people stick to the basics because they’re intimidated by crazy shit like headstands and busting your nut from across the room while your girlfriend’s humping some phallic vegetable with a sock in her mouth.
We all know and love reverse cowgirl. It’s not too crazy but wild enough to make it feel dangerous. Alright hold that thought.
The guy should slide to the edge of the bed and put his feet on the floor while still lying down; then girls, sit on his member in the same position as we just discussed (backwards), but this time standing, using the floor for leverage.
Then switch — guy sits up and girl puts her hands on the floor. I like to call this the “Shit I lost my contact, oh wait that feels great.”
Moving forward, or should I say continuing backwards, is a variation on your favorite backdoor move. Instead of humping her in the style of a dog, push her down flat on her stomach with her legs straight and together.
She’ll be super tight and you’ll feel super satisfied. And if you’re in a frisky mood try it standing up — she faces the wall, he creeps up from behind. Mee-ow.
Let’s dub this one the, “I think I’m choking, oh no let me perform the Heimlich, oh wait, now I’m fucking you.”
Consider this a preliminary syllabus — there are obviously countless more ways to put your imagination and lube to good use. Don’t be embarrassed to try something new.
Remember class, coming shouldn’t be the only reason you’re having sex. You know what they say: getting there is half the fun and a journey of a thousand orgasms begins with one experimental step.
She’s Sure to Come on Top
Being on top is probably the most popular position
for women because it gives them complete control over
the pace, angle, depth, and level of stimulation.
There are a ton of fun variations of this position,
making it very versatile. It’s not one of the more
intense positions for men, so your partner may be
able to last a lot longer than usual, giving you
more time to reach your peak.
Reverse Cowgirl This famous variation
of the woman-on-top has the her facing away from the man.
He lies down with the woman on top of him either kneeling or squatting.
It’s a flexible position where a woman can
either lean forward or backward or keep her
torso straight, while the man can keep his
legs straight or arched.
The position is a great variation from woman-on-top
and gives the woman total control over the pace
and rhythm and lets her set the agenda.
Women & Kegels
In sex positions where your legs are
spread wide, enhance the cock-in-cunt
contact by harnessing the power of Kegels.
Try it during a woman-on-top position where
you’re squatting over your partner.
Squeeze your Kegels rhythmically, using your
muscles to grip his cock. He’ll adore you for it.
He can reward you. He’ll be free to press
a toy or rub a lube-y hand against your clit.
If you want to find out more about Kegel exercises
