The Cock Crows

What Do You Call His Cock?

Get That Rod
Inside Me!

Our personal favourites are rod
and staff. God has recommended them.

My rod will comfort you.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I fear no evil. For Thou art with me.

Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me.

Here are a few euphemisms
which are unlikely to please Him

Fine Almost as bad as “not bad”. No guy wants his penis
to be fine. Sandwiches can be described as adequate.
Hell, a lot of things can be described as adequate
as long as there’s room for improvement.

But no one wants to find out their sex organ is
the equivalent of a bologna sandwich on white bread.

Cute It’s OK to call a man’s face “cute.” It’s even
reasonable to say he has a cute butt.

But “cute” makes things sound diminutive,
like a tiny puppy. He wants to think of
his penis as a great wolf about to devour you.

Normal To be used when you’re getting
test results back from your doctor.

Honestly, it’s not the worst thing in the world.
But if his penis is “normal” it means, by default,
it is not the best penis you’ve ever had.

That’s not to say you should lie to him
but definitely fudge the truth a little.

Gross Unless we’re using this
word as part of some weirdly convoluted
profit-generating metaphor, stay away.

Even then, that’s some weird dirty talk.
I’m trying to imagine what that would even be like.

“Your penis is generating a gross income
for my vagina’s orgasms”?

Does that even make sense? I don’t understand money
or vaginas so this one is really difficult for me.

Eh? If you don’t have anything
not-neutral to say, don’t say anything at all.

Scary Yeah, you can say negative things
about a guy who is too big too. But try “intimidating” instead.
Otherwise you’ll make him feel like his penis is a deal-breaker.

Skinny We’re not here to debate whether or not
this is true, but guys have had it drilled into
their head that size matters. And that means all
possible penis dimensions, including width.

She Loves His Cock

Shrimpy This is a terrible nickname because not
only are you calling it small, you’re also saying
it’s incredibly, unbelievably white and veiny
and possibly tastes fishy.

Stubby “short,” “small” and any other synonyms
also fall into this category. Just avoid commenting
on his size if you think he’s, uh, lacking.

Nancy Ladies names in general are
just right out. It’s not a good nickname
for a penis, for (hopefully) obvious reasons.

Frantically pointing and screaming Only do this if his penis
is literally on fire. Otherwise it’s offensive and just plain rude.

What’s your favorite euphemism for penis?

My ex-girlfriend called it ‘the Truth’. She used to say
it in public, “I want the Truth!!” I would respond with
“You can’t handle the Truth!”

“John Thomas” as a homage to Lady Chatterley’s Lover


What Does She Think?

Personally, I don’t mind penis, but I’m more inclined to
dick or rod. Cock sounds as if you’re trying to
prepare a weapon for firing [cock that gun]

It depends on what you are comfortable with. If you say
something intending it to be sexy but it just comes out
sounding unsure it will have the opposite effect.

Some men (like mine) love to have you talk dirty
to them (it becomes an art form).

They like it because it’s naughty. If you are looking
for an alternative to the cock or dick words how about
as you touch him, just saying something like,
I love the feel of you or I love how hard you are.
Get that beast inside me!

Big Dick Syndrome

In the gay world there’s often a premium on size. That may be difficult to read and (perhaps) politically incorrect but it also happens to be true.

Not that there’s anything wrong with wanting a big cock. Let’s face it – there are times in life when guzzling down milk from someone massive is a needed treat.

But the hard truth is that when we only focus on his largeness, we can unintentionally distort reality.

Specifically, I’m talking about big dick syndrome.

What’s that? You’ve never heard of this before? Well, let me give you a quick definition.

Big dick syndrome (BDS) is when we assign magical traits to a man who has an enormous penis.

Thanks to cultural bias, many of us have come to believe that men with big D’s are automatically masculine. In truth, length or girth has nothing to do with it.

That’s because constructs of gender are psychologically based and not about anatomy.

If you are a person who buys into this consider it a strong sign of BDS.

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