Porn Warms You up for Sex
My boyfriend is usually good at giving me
things I want, but this year the gift I
unwrapped was a soft-porn film.
I thought it must be a joke, but then he said
he couldn’t wait until until no one else was
in the house so we could watch it together.
I’m not a prude, but I have no desire to watch
porn and I worry there must be a part of my
boyfriend I don’t know at all.
How should I deal with this?
Hang on! Don’t get your knickers in a twist.
He’s a young man. They watch porn. His mistake
was imagining you could both be turned on by
watching erotica.
The key question is: what was he thinking of?
You say you are not a prude, so I imagine you
have always been open and relaxed about sex.
Perhaps on this occasion he just felt he
could push the envelope a little?
If he’s previously given you sexy lingerie or
something similar, it’s quite possible he thinks
a kinky movie falls within the same bracket.
Men can be a bit daft that way).
Men are generally more accustomed to pornography
than women. From naughty Victorian prints through
to Sixties Playboy and online porn, there’s an
established culture of boys sharing illicit imagery.
It sounds to me as if he’s behaving like a typical
bloke: he’s giving you a DVD he wants to watch himself.
You may find it disconcerting that he wants to watch porn,
but on the plus side, he wants to do his viewing with you.
In fact, it sounds as if he’s the sweet sort of male who
would feel sordid looking at naked ladies on his own.
The positive thing to infer from his gift
is that he’s more than willing to try new
things with you.
My guess is he’ll be happy to jettison
the film if you are happy to suggest
alternative forms of erotic distraction.
Our Pleasure in Porn
Are You Watching Porn Behind Her Back?
In a relationship one person’s porn fetish
may be another’s pain the the ass.
At the same time, some couples see it
as healthy, even therapeutic. But in when
you’re hiding it can be damaging. [cont’d below]
A Woman’s Perspective
We have some ground rules: no interacting directly with anyone on or offline, nothing violent. If it messes with our sex life, we need to re-evaluate pronto. Other than that, my husband watches porn and frequently jerks off. I’m pretty relaxed about it.
I consider myself someone who has a pretty normal sex drive. I’ve always been in touch with my sexuality. I’ve masturbated since I was pretty young. I’m really awesome at getting myself off, and I do it whenever I feel like it.
But my husband is different. Masturbation, to him, has always been somewhat of a ritual. He does it because he enjoys it, but also because it calms him, helps him deal with stress, and helps him fall asleep. I would say his sex drive is quite high; sexual thoughts and feelings occupy a lot of real estate in his mind.