Once you strip away the social stigma involved
in casual sex women are as likely as men to say
yes on the spur of a heightened moment.
Evolutionary psychologists have explained men
are programmed to spread their seed, while
women search for a supportive mate.
But the female libido is much more complex
than we thought. When it comes to sex,
monogamy may be at least as problematic
for women as it is for men. Maybe more so.
The stereotype that men are usually the sexual
initiators may not be totally accurate.
Primatologists have shown that female monkeys
are much more sexually aggressive than the males.
This research combined with interviewing women suggest
this stereotype is a result of cultural influences.
Today’s young women in colleges and
universities see sex as natural and
have no trouble engaging in casual sex.
In fact, they use casual sex as a way
to engage in some level of intimacy
without taking time from their studies.
They see romantic relationships as
taking up too much time from their
own development and ambitions.
Too many women get little out of sex because
our culture is focused on satisfying the man.
Often, that man has come to represent just
another box on our massive “to-do” list.
We have never been given permission
to enjoy sex for its own sake.
After too many years of disinterest, a perimenopausal
hormone surge made me want sex all the time.
I began to initiate sex with my husband.
This new focus on sensuality led us to
talk about sex outside our marriage.
Our open marriage has given us new ways of expressing
ourselves sexually, which translates into better
communication in all areas of the marriage.
I have reclaimed my right to pleasure.
Drive Runs Riot
In contrast to male libido, so-called evolutionary psychology claims that the female sexual drive and intensity are linked with closeness, intimacy and monogamy.
But the female sex drive is if anything less discriminating and more promiscuous than the male drive.
If women weren’t restrained by punitive social norms, they’d stop all the “nesting” and the getting men to nest.
They’d be out relentlessly seeking as much sex as they could possibly get from as many different partners.
Unlike men, when women go out looking for sex, they’re pretty much sure to find it. Without those punitive social norms, families, and thus society, would collapse in a spree of sexual immediacy.
Come Inside Me
Want a Ride?
Cream of Erotica
Are You a
Her Menstrual Cycle
During their monthly cycles, many women experience noticeable swings in their sex drives. What’s not to notice when desire revs from 0 to 60 in a matter of days, and vice versa?
Certain peaks and valleys in a woman’s sex drive over a month’s time have been studied and confirmed by researchers. One common occurrence is that females experience heightened arousal before and during ovulation.
Women, it seems, have apparent changes in behavior associated with spikes in hormone levels (well, duh!). While this may seem obvious, many behaviors associated with female sexual desire are actually very subtle.
In one study for instance, women experiencing ovulation demonstrated an unconscious preference for wearing sexier, more revealing clothing.* In another, they expressed a stronger attraction to more masculine traits during ovulation than at other times of the month.*
Incidentally, this timing coincides with the days during which women are most fertile, a fact many researchers chalk up to genetic programming. In other words, our bodies are still sending us evolutionary signals to find a mate and procreate despite our being unaware.
But ovulation isn’t the only red-hot time of the month. Some women report an increased interest in sex while on their periods. Although some religions forbid it and it remains taboo in a few cultures, there is no medical reason to avoid sex during menses.
It’s also worth noting that the medical community reports orgasms can actually help relieve menstrual cramps in some women. Sexual activity releases oxytocin, the love hormone, as well as lots of those feel-good endorphins.
Then there’s the week before a woman’s period when PMS symptoms are in high gear and libido runs low to nonexistent. Few women feel amorous at the same time they’re irritable, bloated, tired and depressed.
At any rate, a woman’s desire for sex may run differently across her menstrual cycle and when it does, it can throw her relationship out of sync.
To help manage the romantic highs and lows, try monitoring your individual monthly patterns noting when you’re more likely to be in the mood, and when you’re not. Share that information with your partner to establish awareness and ensure mutual understanding.
Armed with this insight, you can then better predict the onset of both the sexual desire days and the “don’t-even-think-about-it” times within your monthly cycle.
To help you plan for romantic interludes or prepare for those respite intervals, try following these poetic observations.
When ovulating, schedule date night. From day one of your period to day 14 of your cycle (ovulation), the potential for love and romance increases steadily along with climbs in your estrogen and testosterone levels.
Schedule date nights and plan other timeouts for passion and intimacy within that 14-day window. Also know that days 13-14, and sometimes 15 are when a woman’s testosterone levels rise significantly, making them the best potential days for fireworks.
When PMS-ing, avoid stressing. Breast tenderness, bloated belly, abdominal pain—hardly the traits of a sex goddess. PMS can leave you feeling undesirable, with zero interest in sex. And that’s okay. During days 16-23 when desire cools down, why not spend some downtime together.
Relax in the tub, exchange foot rubs with your partner, take in a good movie, or take long walks. Being intimate without the actual intimacy can serve as a kind of relationship foreplay, setting the stage for those higher sex-drive days ahead.
When menstruating, keep communicating. Lots of women experience an increased libido from day 24-28, however sex during menstruation is a personal choice.
Some couples would rather avoid the mess and the bother while others prefer to take advantage any pleasure opportunity.
It’s important to discuss the issue with your partner to determine your comfort levels. If you’re both okay with the choice, consider having sex in the shower to wash away the bleeding.
Every woman’s libido seesaw is different. Listen to your body and talk with your partner. With a little awareness, couples can continue to enjoy a satisfying relationship no matter the time of the month.