I Need to Pee During Sex

I enjoy sex with my boyfriend most
of the time but I frequently find
myself needing to urinate during sex.

It’s really off-putting as I can’t fully
relax and don’t want to embarrass myself
in front of him. How common is this and
do I really need to worry?

Peeing Anxiety

RESPONSE: You need to worry about the fact that you’re worried during sex! It should be a pleasurable, anxiety-free experience, and you will enjoy it best if you have the physical confidence to allow your body to relax.

There are a number of possible reasons for your sense of potential incontinence, so seek a checkup from a doctor who could assess your pelvic floor tone and figure out if there’s a medical problem.

Sometimes this problem is due to a less-than-optimal genital fit between partners. Occasionally women with smaller vaginas report that men with larger penises can create the sensation you are experiencing.

You haven’t revealed whether this has been a concern with previous men but, should your doctor find no underlying physical problem, consult a sex therapist who could determine a course of action such as adopting coital positions that don’t put pressure on your bladder.

Why not let your boyfriend know? It’s usually best to talk frankly with a partner rather than feeling you have to fix it all by yourself.

Say: “I enjoy sex with you but I’d like to discuss something that’s getting in the way of my being able to fully relax.”

Then ask him to help you experiment to find more comfortable fucking positions. He may even have come across this before and be able to offer useful suggestions.

QUESTION:

Every time I feel like I want to orgasm, I stop because it feels like I have to pee. I don’t know if I have to pee or if I’m really having an orgasm. Please help.

RESPONSE

Sexual physiology has confused and confounded most people at some point. Wanting to have an orgasm, and having the courage to ask for the information you need to have one, are two big steps in the right direction.

As for your question, the answer depends on a few factors, one being your sex. Men do not urinate and ejaculate at the same time.

When a man is about to ejaculate, the opening to his bladder closes to prevent urine from mixing with semen. So, men can feel free to relax and go with the flow, because they don’t pee when they come.

For women, things are a little more complicated. It’s possible for women to urinate and orgasm at the same time, and, as a result, some women do hold back on orgasms to prevent this from happening. However, it’s also easy to confuse the sensation of impending orgasm with the urge to pee.

What’s more, many women experience “female ejaculation,” which involves expelling a liquid that is not urine (read Orgasms, female ejaculation, and the G-spot).

Many women (and men) enjoy female ejaculation, even with the sometimes abundant fluid that accompanies orgasm.

During sex, you or your partner’s fingers, hands, penis, or other object may be putting pressure on your bladder. If you look at female anatomy diagrams, it’s easy to see how close the clitoris and vagina are to the bladder, and why the bladder might get prodded during sex.

Women who have urinary stress incontinence sometimes “leak” urine when they laugh, sneeze, or orgasm. This is more common in women who have had children.

Women can gain control over “leaking” by practicing Kegel exercises, which strengthen the pelvic muscles around the vagina and urethra. (To learn how, check out Kegel Technique.)

Women who do not experience urinary incontinence at other times, but feel the urge to pee when approaching orgasm, may be getting confusing messages from very sensitive parts of their bodies.

The clitoris, often the focus of sexual pleasure for women, is located about a finger width above the opening of the urethra. It’s hard to stimulate one without rubbing the other.

You may feel most comfortable if you empty your bladder before sex (it’s a good idea to pee before and after sex to help prevent urinary tract infections (UTIs) as well. That way you can feel free to let go and/or come!