What if premature ejaculation isn’t a curse after all, but simply “survival of the fastest”? It makes sense, from an evolutionary point of view, that males who can ejaculate rapidly would be more likely to succeed in fertilizing a female than those males who require prolonged stimulation to reach climax.
Maybe PE isn’t a sexual dysfunction at all. It’s a completely normal way of functioning, based on male physiology. That’s why we should stop calling it “premature” ejaculation and come up with a new, more accurate term: “immature ejaculation.”
Because that’s what it is: an immature way of doing things that largely stems from the way we’re taught, or rather, not taught, to masturbate in childhood.
Most young men, fearing discovery, masturbate furtively and quickly, unwittingly exploiting, and simultaneously hard-coding, their natural propensity to rapidly achieve gratification.
Weight lifters talk about “muscle memory.” Perhaps premature ejaculators experience “penis memory.” No wonder the pioneering sex researcher Alfred Kinsey observed in his book Sexual Behavior in the Human Male that the average man can maintain penetrative thrusting for only about 2 minutes.
The Sensitive Man
At first, like any overexcited teenager, I dealt with PE in the usual ways: masturbating before going out on dates (which helps, but becomes less effective as you get older and require more downtime between erections); downing beers; and donning double, even triple, condoms.
I even tried to delay orgasm in the heat of the moment by distracting myself with baseball statistics or images of dead people—and let me tell you, thinking about corpses during sex: definite mood-killer.
Later, I graduated to herbal remedies, topical ointments, and miracle creams advertised in the backs of porn magazines. On one occasion, my little experiments led to an acid burn of my penis in the men’s room of a Japanese restaurant.
In yet another doomed effort, I put the Errol Flynn method to the test: a dab of cocaine on the tip of the penis. The matinee idol once explained that it could be helpful “if you’re quick on the trigger.”
But it didn’t work for me, and I doubt it really worked for Flynn. He claimed to have slept with more than 13,000 women in his lifetime. Now, how the hell are you going to do that without being a premature ejaculator?
I’ve tried every type of radical therapy. There was biofeedback treatment, in which an electrode was inserted where I least wanted it, and I was encouraged to engage in an activity once thought to cause blindness in teenagers.
Self-hypnosis tapes that lulled me into such a deep trance with its sounds of water being stopped and started that I woke up soaked in my own urine.
And a session with a German “masturbation specialist” who sternly observed and critiqued my methods of self-pleasure, all the while keeping time with a metronome and commanding me to “stop, start, squeeze; stop, start, squeeze!”
The next time I had swx the girl emerged from the shower and came to bed, naked and glistening, I was so nervous, I didn’t just prematurely ejaculate, I spontaneously ejaculated. So much for therapy.