From an evolutionary standpoint, the brain’s
main priorities are survival and sex.
When you’re having sex, your brain’s pleasure
center gets the green light to orgasm when
worry (or danger) isn’t present. That’s why
it’s important for women to be relaxed
if they want to climax.
It’s All about
Your Pleasure, Girl
To be clear, multiple orgasms happen one right after the next, not at different times in one session. Multiple orgasms are possible for some women if they can withstand being continuously stimulated after their first (and second and…].
Techniques to Try
Starting in foreplay, have your guy get you to your first clitoral climax using his hands or mouth (or a vibrator). Immediately afterward, he should continue to stimulate your C-spot in a slower manner for about 30 seconds, and then resume a normal pace to get you to a repeat performance.
He’s playing with your level of arousal from a heightened orgasmic state by giving your erogenous area a rest, as it may be overly sensitive to stimulation, and then increasing arousal again.
From there, begin intercourse, which can lead to multiple vaginal or blended orgasms, using the same technique of slowing down and speeding up, as long as you keep the stimulation going and your arousal high.
The Big Bang Orgasm
This the moment when the uterus, vagina, and anus contract simultaneously at 0.8-second intervals. A small orgasm may consist of three to five contractions; a biggie, 10 to 15.
Many women report feeling different kinds of orgasms — clitoral, vaginal, and many combinations of the two. The reason may simply be that different parts of the vagina were stimulated more than others, and so have more tension to release.
Also, muscles in other parts of the body may contract involuntarily — hence the clenched toes and goofy faces. As for the brain, areas involving fear and emotion are actually deactivated during orgasm (not so if you fake it).
In one study, two groups of women had their brains scanned while they watched porn. And wouldn’t you know it, the group that was more sexually charged showed lower levels of activity in the left brain, the part in charge of nagging to-do lists (clearly these women weren’t thinking about picking up their dry cleaning).
To relax your mind enough to focus on your pleasure, ask your guy to give you a massage (rubdowns release the feel-good hormone oxytocin, which helps you zone out) or try this mindfulness technique:
Imagine a ticker tape running in your brain that broadcasts only sexy thoughts. Every time something stressful or mundane enters your mind, address it briefly by saying to yourself, I’ll deal with that later.
Then allow yourself to flip to the next naughty image on your mental reel. Eventually, you will train yourself to drown out external noise and focus on the bliss your body is receiving.
Every guy has one go-to move in his arsenal that worked wonders on a past partner, so he keeps whipping it out for each new bed-mate, hoping to repeat those ego-boosting results.
The problem, of course, is that every woman’s body responds differently to stimulation. For that reason, you need to tell him what makes your toes curl.
Don’t worry that you’re being bossy by telling him exactly what you like.
Guys don’t mind a little direction in bed. They know you want an orgasm, and they want to give it to you. Plus, it’s so much less work for them. So take his hand, place it on the body part you want to be stroked, and simply say, “Touch me here.”
The ideal woman is a contradiction. A man wants a woman who’s
dirty in the bedroom and chaste in the community.
She has to be a sexual adventurer and a responsible mate and mother.
The slut/saint dichotomy is well-entrenched in our cultural gender ideals.
Consider the old pinups from the fifties. The women have beautiful
womanly and sexually-suggestive shapes, but innocent smiles.
Often, their sexuality is being exposed through circumstances
beyond their control. This scenario informs the viewer that
while the woman is equipped to be a tramp, she retains her virtue.
She has sexual power and virginal purity.
The ‘innocent eyes’ plays with the dichotomy and illustrates the contrast.
For a man, it’s exciting, although he may not understand why.
Girls & Good Sex
Girls soon learn that most men they sleep with casually haven’t a clue about a woman’s sexual needs.
One adolescent said: “I haven’t hooked up with anybody who was so cavalier as to just not even care. But I think most of them were somewhat baffled that it would require more than just them thrusting.”
Girls are never taught how to have good sex, let alone how to ask for what they needs The education they get in school is aimed at stopping teenagers from having sex at all.
There’s not much discussion of arousal. Most cultural representations of sex left out the messy details.
“The way we view sex in porn and in movies and in books, people aren’t talking to each other like, ‘Oh, my foot’s falling asleep, we need to move.’”
Communicating about those particulars is especially tricky in hookups. When one awkward exchange or misread text message could end the arrangement altogether, there’s a certain amount of pressure to tread softly.
You have to balance a lot of things in your brain, like what’s more important to you, just getting off, or do you actually want to have a connection with the other person?
For girls, casual sex is exciting precisely because it is spontaneous. You can compared a hookup with having dinner at a friend’s house.
You wouldn’t want to be demanding: ‘This is what I want and this is how I want you to make it, and I want you to use only this amount of basil.’
Some young women, confronted with these roadblocks, are redefining casual sex and the physical pleasure that they expect from it. Sex without strings has carnal and emotional benefits that don’t depend on reaching orgasm, they say.
Something they don’t talk about is why having an orgasm is the main goal or the only goal of sex. Often, hookups are more about two people giving each other the sense of intimacy, however brief, they need to get through the week.
It’s just sort of like having the experience, and having somebody that you can call or you can like, whose house you can spend the night in if you don’t feel like you want to be going home alone.
A lot of the time it’s almost weirdly irrelevant whether or not the sex is actually good.
For a lot of girls, sacrificing a reliable orgasm for sex without the burden of commitment was a conscious decision. After a couple of relationships in college, women usually spend about five years without a serious boyfriend and many on-again, off-again flings.
As far as the ability to climax consistently, that’s something girls are able to have in monogamous relationships that they rarely have in less committed circumstances.
Mediocre sex was a small price to pay for the freedom to be able to enjoy it all. The physical aspect of a tryst with a relative stranger can be gratifying, even if the chances of reaching orgasm were limited.
When your partner’s performance is lackluster, you can still took pride in your own sexual prowess.
To know yourself, to be sort of skilled in a way or to be able to see someone else’s pleasure that was your own doing, there’s definitely something very empowering about that.