Here’s Your Appetizer
She remembers hating the “punishment” meted
out by her father, but “Now I ask myself if
the hand which administered the powerful
spankings must have awakened, at the same
time as the pain, a region of pleasure.”
It was in a seedy shop in Paris “where they
show erotic lantern slides with one penny,”
that this indelible incident from her past
morphed into overwhelming sexual desire:
“As I watched this [spanking] scene I felt the most
amazing pleasure. I was stirred, I grew wet between
the legs, and began to palpitate, almost reaching
orgasm. This was a revelation.”
The link between sex and pain is not confined to the
world of BDSM. One study, in which researchers used fMRI
to visualise the brains of women as they stimulated
themselves to climax, found that more than 30 areas of
the brain were active, including those involved in pain.
There’s a strong connection between pain and orgasm
pathways. Also, facial expressions during orgasm
are often indistinguishable from those when in pain.
In sexual terms, desire is much more
than fantasy. Fantasy remains in our minds.
Pain and pleasure are powerful motivators of behaviour and have historically been considered opposites. Emerging evidence from the pain and reward research fields points to extensive similarities in the anatomical substrates of painful and pleasant sensations.
Recent molecular-imaging and animal studies have demonstrated the important role of the opioid and dopamine systems in modulating both pain and pleasure.
It swims through our imagination,
increasing our creative thinking.
With desire, there is a component
of action, an intention of movement,
while fantasy is only hypothetical.
The gutter media love to raise
levels of moral panic with juicy
details involving sadism.
Journalists feel ‘obliged’ to explain
what sadism actually involves.
A sadist is someone who experiences
pleasure when inflicting pain on another.
It’s derived from the French nobleman,
the Marquis de Sade.
Pubic Hair Fashion
This Is Where You Come in
I Can’t Wait
to Get Inside Her
Ripe for Plucking
Losing your virginity can be a nerve-wracking experience. Until you’ve actually had a session between the sheets, the world of sex can seem both alluring and intimidating. If you’re ready to have the first roll in the hay, here are a few things you should know before you take the plunge.
1. Relax about your body
2. It may not go as planned
You’ve probably spent quite a bit of time imagining how your first time will go down, but it’s important not to think too carefully about what you expect.
Sex should be a spontaneous event, and during a romantic encounter you’ll likely find out that your partner has different ideas about how things should proceed.
This isn’t a bad thing – one of the beautiful parts of sex is that both parties get to voice their needs and wants, and revel in the pleasure of attending to their partners’ desires.
3. You can take it slow
Just because it’s your first time doesn’t mean you have to do every single act on your sexual checklist. In fact, it may be wise to take things slowly.
Start out with some fun oral play, or invest in a vibrator for some mutual masturbation fun. If you want to stick to oral sex your first time, then pick up a few flavored condoms to bring the experience to a new level.
4. Practice makes perfect
Don’t worry if things get a bit awkward during your first experience, especially if your partner is also losing his or her virginity. In the movies, sex may look completely effortless, but in reality it doesn’t always go so smoothly.
Fortunately, the more time you spend with your partner, the better sex will become. You’ll soon learn what he or she likes and dislikes, and each session will get steamier as a result.
5. Safety first for your first time
Don’t listen to people who say you can’t get an STD your first time – it’s a myth. Similarly, women are able to get pregnant even during their first experience.
For these reasons, it’s essential that you wear protection each and every time you have sex – even if you’ve never done it before. Wearing condoms will keep both you and your partner safe.
A woman’s virginity has long been a cultural fixation. From abstinence pledges and purity balls to the abject quackery that suggests virginity causes cancer, many people are quick to take sides in the imaginary moral war.
While saving yourself for marriage is a personal choice, there’s an unexpected condition that can affect some women who are waiting for Mr Right. It’s called vaginismus.
Described as an involuntary contraction of the muscles surrounding the entrance to the vagina, it can make penetration either painful or impossible and cause much distress to the individual.
Thought to affect at least two per cent of American women, it’s more common among women who are saving themselves for marriage.
It’s also commonly seen in women who due to religious or cultural reasons have developed an overriding fear of penetrative sex.
But to o suggest that if you tried to be a virgin you are going to end up with vaginismus isn’t always the cause. It’s mainly fear of intercourse.
Women brought up in restrictive religious environments can develop unhealthy attitudes toward sex.
Before marriage they use every negative adjective to describe sex: dirty, filthy, mortal sin, etcetera. But in marriage it is beautiful, it’s God’s gift.
They believe this stuff, they believe that sex is grubby on the morning of their wedding day, but by evening the earth will move and fireworks will go off.
More serious than a lack-lustre sexual experience, women who suffer from vaginismus often feel confused and inadequate, which only compounds the disorder’s psychological underpinning.
Vaginismus is reasonably easy to overcome. These women should get a mirror and look at their vagina because many of them have never seen it before.
Treatment can consist of counselling, education, anxiety reduction, pelvic floor exercises and retraining the pelvic floor muscles