In & Out: The Orgasm Gap

The female orgasm has often been described as elusive,
but researchers say they might have discovered how to
boost the chances of eliciting the OMG I’m coming moment

A combination of genital stimulation, deep kissing and oral
sex is the “golden trio” for women when it comes to increasing
their likelihood of reaching orgasm with a sexual partner.

There are “orgasm gaps” – not just between the sexes, but
also between individuals with different sexual orientations.

While 95% of heterosexual men reported that they usually
or always orgasmed during sexually intimate moments, just
65% of heterosexual women did. By contrast, the figure was
89% for gay men, 86% for lesbian women, 88% for bisexual
men and 66% for bisexual women.

The orgasm gaps between men and heterosexual women are well
known. But the gaps between lesbian women and heterosexual
women were more speculative or based on small samples of
lesbian women.

The large disparities seen for women of different
sexualities, could at least in part be down to
other women being more likely to take turns at
inducing orgasms, and having a better understanding
than men that female orgasms are not primarily
associated with vaginal sex.

About 30% of men think that intercourse is the best way for
women to have orgasm. That’s sort of a tragic figure because
it couldn’t be more incorrect.

Only 35% of heterosexual women always or usually orgasm during
vaginal sex alone, with 44% saying they rarely or never did.

By contrast, 80% of heterosexual women and 91% of lesbians
always or usually orgasm with a combination of genital
stimulation, deep kissing and oral sex but without vaginal sex.

Whether it is playing music, changing sexual positions
or saying “I love you”, very little appears to affect
the probability that a man will orgasm.

By contrast, women who said that they had done these
things during their last sexual encounter were about
20% more likely to orgasm “usually” or “always”.

Shuddering Orgasm powered by YouPorn.

There are other possibilities, including that women may
take longer to become aroused than men, or that men
desire orgasm more frequently than women.

Another question worth investigating is what percentage
of women are happy with the frequency with which they orgasm.

41% of heterosexual men reported that their partner always
reached orgasm, only 33% of heterosexual women said that they did.

Part of this difference in perception could be due to women
faking orgasms, which research has suggested women will do
for a variety of reasons, including out of love for their
partner, to protect their partner’s self-esteem, intoxication,
or to bring the sexual encounter to an end,

Female Orgasm from Anna Travolta on Vimeo.

Tease & Denial

This describes a situation where a person’s
genitals are stimulated until he or she is
close to the point at which orgasm would
normally be inevitable.

At that point, direct stimulation of the
genitals is reduced or stopped, so as to
keep the recipient on the very brink or
“edge” of orgasm (as with orgasm control)
but without the promise of orgasm at the end.

Kiss Lick Blow

Intimacy is a funny thing. People have completely different ideas as to what’s intimate and what is not.

I once had a fuck buddy who said we couldn’t kiss because we were “just friends,” but that didn’t stop him from going down on me every chance he got and pushing my head in the direction of his crotch.

From Kissing to Oral Sex

In his mind, kissing was far more intimate than the act of oral sex. This would lead to many arguments because I felt otherwise.

If I have a one night stand, I will kiss that person. I will not, however, give them a blowjob nor will I spread my legs wide to get cunnilingus.

For me, having someone’s cock in my mouth is far more intimate than kissing will ever be, and I can’t understand my friends who think differently.

I have friends who will think nothing of giving up the oral sex on a first date, but god forbid they actually do some full on fucking.

Fucking is called fucking for a reason. It’s a far cry from the intimacy involved with putting something in your mouth. Especially something that you’re unsure of where it’s been. And I’ve yet to find a person who uses a condom when giving head.

Needless to say the fuck buddy is no longer in my life for a myriad of reasons, and I no longer have to feel like I’m a prostitute in a remake of Pretty Woman.

It was a great movie, but no one likes to be treated like a whore. Well, I don’t. Well, maybe sometimes, but usually not. OK, like it’s 50/50, but that’s beside the point at the moment.

For a lot of women, cunnilingus is on a short list of sex acts for truly special partners. They find it extremely intimate and something they’d only do with special partners

I wonder if these women feel that blowjobs are an equally intimate gesture. For younger women, I suspect that the preponderance of blowjob media exposure has made fellatio a routine part of hook-up culture, while cunnilingus is reserved for the ‘special someone’.

I wouldn’t suggest that anyone should have either attitude towards oral sex—to each their own—only that the discrepancy between perceptions of male and female oral sex is problematic.

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