Some Young Women
When I first heard about female ejaculation,
I thought it was a bullshit myth invented by
women who accidentally pee during sex.
One supported by fetishists who wanted
to believe in it.But then I gushed.
I was 17 and had been having sex for about 3 years.
I have no idea why my body chose that moment to bust
out its new parlor trick in the middle of a reverse
cowgirl with some dude I’d just met a few hours before.
There were a lot of things that confused me about what happened.
Where did that fluid come from and what is it?
Is there something wrong with me? How did this
happen? And why did it feel good?”
Maybe it’s because female ejaculation’s popular
representation lies in a weird limbo between a
pornographically glorified party trick and
something like involuntary bed-wetting.
Maybe it’s because it’s referenced by awful terms like
“gushing,” “squirting” and “she-jaculation.”
Or maybe it’s because no one seems to know what the fuck it is.
Is it pee? Why is there so much of it? If I drink it, will I throw up?
No real studies have been done to determine what the fluid is.
It’s a clear, light, slippery liquid that’s relatively
tasteless and odorless and contains glucose and fructose.
Many think it comes from the Skene’s glands, which are
located around the urethral sponge, commonly known as
the G-spot. Of course, there’s no concrete proof from
lab-coated dudes that women ejaculate in response to
G-spot stimulation, but many women report such experiences.
Though some women can ejaculate under other stimuli,
many require direct G-spot pressure in order to ejaculate.
Though fingers keep you more in touch, a dildo with firm
curves works well. Experiment with different sex-toy
materials as heavier objects can apply ejaculate-worthy pressure.
Wet Dream Girls
I’ve searched “wet dream” on Google.
I came across hundreds of metaphorical extensions,
divided in half between product endorsements
and put-downs imputing to political opponents
and feckless adolescent longings.
Nobody is harmed by reading phrases like
“a computer buff’s wet dream,” “Big Oil’s
wet dream,” or “ideological wet dreams.”
Tellingly, left-feminist critics satirically use
the “wet dream” metaphor to excellent effect.
Among examples: “Over 4,000 dead U.S.
soldiers sacrificed for a neo-con wet
dream” and Iraq being “some demented
wet dream Dick Cheney had.
Note as well James Earl Jones’s honorary-Oscar
acceptance speech, heard by millions.
Taking the statue from Sir Ben Kingsley,
Jones gushed, “This is an actor’s wet dream.”
Yes, I had used a sex-based metaphor, but so does
everybody else. Sexuality being ubiquitous, sex-based
metaphors are as well. No one blinks at “pregnant pause,”
“strange bedfellows,” or “breasting the mountain.”
“Wet dream,” newer, is now well past causing offence.