Scroll Down: Is
She Faking It
Is She Coming?
For Fuck’s Sake
Stop Asking Her
Are you close? Are you there? Belinda had
hooked up with a guy from work who was determined
not to come unless she did, so determined he
repeatedly asked her how close she was to orgasm.
For Christine, who often has trouble getting off
with new partners, the sex wasn’t anywhere close
to enjoyable. It was stressful.
“It was as if he’d watched a whole series of
porn clips and compiled a list of positions.
He kept asking me, ‘How much do you like this?
Tell me exactly how much!’ I was like, ‘What do
you want me to say, 8.5 out of 10?’ ”
As he tracked her progress – or lack of – he called
for five-minute breaks in the action, in case he climaxed
before fulfilling his duty.
The man was on a mission. It didn’t matter
that Belinda was miserable.
Men can feel less masculine when their female partner
doesn’t orgasm; when they think about failing to get
a woman off, they feel embarrassed, distraught or inadequate.
To be clear, guys should care about
their partner’s orgasm, not just their own.
By now, you’ve probably heard about the orgasm gap,
the undeniable reality that women get off far less
frequently than men during heterosexual encounters,
possibly because the men they’re with – be they hookups
or husbands – aren’t listening to their needs.
But men sometimes take that mandate and warp it into
terrible sex like the example above, insisting that
the woman has to come – and often come first even
if that might not be practical or desirable for her.
This creates an “orgasm imperative”, a belief that
any sex that doesn’t end in climax for both parties
has been a complete failure.
Nothing sucks the fun and passion out of sex like
a guy who’s angling for a gold medal in the Orgasm Olympics.
Women say it puts undue pressure on them to get off,
which can make it harder not just to get there but to
enjoy sex at all. Both partners end up in a cycle of
shame and anxiety which decreases connection and
enjoyment of sexual experiences.
Why Aren’t You Coming?
Many women wonder why there’s all this hype
about sex and orgasm. It’s not uncommon
for women to have never experienced the
real point of sexual intercourse.
They’re convinced female orgasm is a myth.
An orgasm is the experience of a heightened sexual ecstasy, at the peak of sexual excitement accompanied by rhythmic vaginal contractions in women and penile contractions accompanied by ejaculation in men, followed by total body relaxation in both.
Physical factors like problems of the nervous system, hormone imbalance, consumption of certain medicines, drug abuse, alcoholism, myopathy, neuropathy, etc. can deprive them of an orgasm.
Similarly psychological factors like negative influence experienced during childhood, anxieties, guilt, depression, marital discord, belief in myths and ignorance, sexual problems of the male partner etc also can cause orgasmic problems.
Most surveys reveal that 75 percent of men have reported having orgasms during sexual intercourse. But less than 30 per cent of the women had orgasm through intercourse.
Women reach orgasm more reliably from masturbation than from coitus. This is because the clitoris is not directly stimulated in vaginal intercourse.
Adequate clitoral stimulation occurs only in woman-on-top position and not in the usual missionary posture.
Most women want orgasms. That wasn’t always the case. A couple of generations or so ago, many adult females simply didn’t have climaxes – and a lot of them weren’t bothered about it. Probably most of them didn’t actually know what an orgasm was.
Some doctors claimed it was ‘normal’ to have no experience of orgasm. As late as the 1970’s, there were still some who maintained that the female orgasm didn’t exist. It was simply a myth made up by the media.
Is She Faking Orgasm?
There are several reasons women have for faking orgasm.
The list includes trying to protect their partner’s
feelings, to end sex, to avoid experiencing negative
emotions around their sexuality or sexual functioning,
and to increase their own arousal.
The first two reasons are obvious. These are the motives
which are commonly accepted and the subject matter of
countless sex-advice columns.
The last two need to be explored. Why do some women
fake orgasm as a method of avoidance while others fake
it to make their sex lives more fun?
Sexual Climax:
Is She Putting on
a Performance?
How many times have you asked yourself? Is she faking it?
Women can be phenomenal fakers. They can translate a “dude,
time to wrap it up” signal into a convincing series of moans.
Think of it as one of their
better between-the-sheets skills.
But who benefits from a false finish?
And who are the biggest fakers of all?
It goes without saying that most women have
done it at least once. But is the one
you’re on top of right now really orgasming?
It seems most fake orgasms during vaginal
intercourse at least half of the time.
Also, 25 percent of women are “oohing and ahhing”
90 percent of the time regardless of whether
they climax or not. Now you know, men.
We know that a lot of women are doing it.
But why? To help you cross the finish line, so to speak.
She’s trying to be nice and trying to give you
an ego-boost. But don’t let it go to your head.
It was still fake, after all.
Faking isn’t always a bad sign for your sex life.
Depending on the “faker’s” motivation, pretending
to orgasm can actually increase their sexual satisfaction.
A group of women between the ages of 18 to 32 were
asked why they moaned and groaned during sex.
It seems the noise helped them to climax. It suggests
orgasm is as much in the mind as the genitals.