How do I ask a girl if
she wants to have sex?
The key to a healthy sex life is learning ways
to find out if a partner is enthusiastic and
excited about having sex with you
Some people worry that asking for consent
might ‘ruin the mood’, but it can actually
be a fun way to turn consent into an essential
start to any sexual activity.
Do you want me to…?
Would you like it if I…?
Is it OK if I…?
How do you feel about…?
Do you want to try…?
Do you want me to keep going?
It’s surprisingly easy and sexy
to ask someone ‘can I kiss you?’
or ‘do you want to have sex with me?’
Don’t be afraid of being direct. Being honest
is the best way to understand what you both want.
The future: boy meets girl.They share a joint.
Girl: “Do you want to fuck me?’
Boy: “I wouldn’t mind. How much do you charge?”
A mate of mine tried the following: He was tired
of being a virgin and tired of the dating ritual
at our small religious college. One day he decided
to begin asking every attractive girl he met to fuck him.
At first he was met with angry rebuffs at
every turn, but he continued bravely on.
Then one night he went to a party. He made advances
to a couple of girls without success, then he met
another girl and right away asked her to go to bed
with him. She accepted, just like that.
A year later they were married.
Which, come to think of it, was rather
more than he had planned to do with her.
Fancy Some Sex?
He sidles up to me on a crowded metro platform,
emerging from a knot of Saturday afternoon shoppers.
‘Fancy some sex?’ he says, quite loudly.
I glance up to see who he is talking to and
realise with a sinking heart that it’s me.
‘Pardon?’ I must have misheard. I meet his eye.
He is looking down at me – he can’t be more than 13.
Dark skin, thin, dirty. Dreadlocks which hang,
fuzzy and matted, to his little boy’s waist,
where a silver skull snarls dangerously from
his big boy’s belt.
‘Sex. D’you fancy some?’. His face levels with mine
as he tries to force half his bum on to my seat.
‘Excuse me’. I shove him off. What’s he on?
I look around, embarrassed, but no one reacts.
Either he looks my type or everyone on the
entire platform is deaf.
Did I say embarrassed? Because actually I’m not.
It’s more a trickle of dismay, because he is such a kid.
Because this proposition is not a proposition
and clearly has nothing whatever to do with sex.
It is merely another of those meaningless dialogues,
all too familiar and vaguely threatening, enacted by a nutter.
Only this one isn’t threatening, because this nutter is a child.
And look at me. I’m old enough to be his mother.
In fact I am a mother of three kids not a lot
younger than him. I have a carrier bag (visibly)
full of Pampers at my feet, my make-up has evaporated
and I’m starting a cold. Did he say sex?
‘No thanks,’ I tell him and look away.
Before you make your move and ask a girl to sleep with you,
several very important things have to happen first.
Rules of the Game
She has to be attracted to you
She has to be comfortable with you and your touch
You have to have an emotional connection
There needs to be sexual tension between you
If even one of these crucial steps is missing,
you’ll rarely get a positive response.
Most women don’t want to sleep with men they aren’t
attracted to not trust They often don’t want to have
sex with guys with whom they have no emotional connection.
At 19 I’m scared to have sex. I’ve had a couple of relationships in the last two months but whenever anything sexual comes up, I become extremely anxious and scared.
I can have sexual thoughts about my partners but when they bring up wanting to have sex I immediately back out. I’m still a virgin and afraid that if I have sex with someone that that is all they will want from me.
I want to experience sex but it makes me nervous to the point where it causes anxiety attacks. I’m OK with sending nude photos, but hope you may be able to help me figure out why I’m like this and help me to get over this fear.
How about Sex?
We’ve been dating for a couple of weeks now.
We text once or twice a day. I was sexually
roused last night when we sat on the couch together.
She seems to want to have sex but I’m not sure.
The way she crushed-hugged me the other day
suggests that the wait is starting to get to her.
But yet, I hesitate. These are delicate
times we live in. No young male is going to
push himself on a woman, start to maul her
with drunken clumsiness.
Maybe I should be courteous.
“Would you like to have sex?”
Would You Like Me to
Massage Your Vagina?
Begin by lightly stroking her body with the tips
of your fingers. Start with the back, and then
move to the shoulders, arms, buttocks, thighs and calves.
Remember to use only light, teasing strokes.
When you sense that she’s relaxed, you’re
ready to progress to massage.
These are key areas for an erotic vulva and labia massage.
Pour about two tablespoons of massage oil into the palm
of your hand and rub your hands together lightly.
When the oil is warm and evenly distributed,
begin massaging her back with long, deep strokes.
At the beginning, communicate frequently with her
to determine if the strokes are too hard or too soft.
Keep your hands in contact with your partner at all times,
take your time with each rhythmic-yet-sensitive stroke,
and proceed from long, gliding strokes to shorter, deeper strokes.
Use your body weight rather than your arm strength
for deep strokes. During gliding strokes, keep
your knees slightly bent and fluid. Don’t lean over the table.
Once you have developed a rhythm that pleases
both of you, move on to the shoulders and arms
and progress to the legs and feet, brushing the
buttocks as you move up and down her body.
Ask her to turn over. Begin massaging the chest,
arms and hands. Pay special attention to your
female partner’s breasts. Don’t be too invasive
at this stage, but don’t ignore them.
Lightly stroke the nipples and undersides. Glide down
to the legs, brushing the genitals on your way down.
After finishing the fronts of the legs and feet,
glide back up and slowly brush over the genitals.
Tease her by brushing her thighs near the
genitals, lightly touching the pubic region.
Allow the erotic energy to build until it seems
like a natural time to start shifting the focus
to more explicitly sexual activities.
Start by gently rubbing the entire vulva,
follow with clitoral stimulation, and finish
with internal and clitoral stimulation.
Remember that vaginal penetration doesn’t feel good
unless she is already in a fairly high state of arousal.
If she’s comfortable, feel free to use a vibrator
to assist you in the massage.
After a few more minutes of clitoris stimulation, it’s time
to slide a finger inside her vagina. Use the classic “come here”
motion of your finger, only make sure your palm is facing down,
not up. This is because she’s lying on her back and her g-spot
is at the bottom.
Once you’ve continued this for a few more minutes,
you can safely start putting your penis inside her.
Do it as slowly as you inserted your finger.
You’ll have plenty of time to do it hardcore some
other time as right now your focus should be on
giving her her (first) vaginal orgasm.
It’s all about her this time.
How do you stimulate her with her penis?
Just make sure you start slow, then
increase speed, then slow down again and so on
until you feel she’s ready to climax.