Enjoying BDSM, strap-on sex and sex toys,
genderplay, rape and incest taboo, mainstream
pornography, and other “deviant” sexual
taboos with a consensual partner doesn’t make
a person a ‘bad feminist or a hypocrite.
Pro-sex feminism argues that recognizing the role
of fantasy in sexual arousal and ending any
shame about sexual desires opens the door to
a more frank and honest discussion about
women’s bodies, consent, and safer sex.
This leads to better, safer sex which
encourages communication and complete,
enthusiastic consent
to sex that is fulfilling and healthy.
How is that not feminist?
Why did you stop faking orgasm?
Because I started having a more adventurous
sex life with men and women, and I largely
stopped having sex with cisgendered men.
I used to think the goal of sex was to have an orgasm.
Now I just think it’s to have fun. So there is way less
pressure on me to fake it because it doesn’t matter if I don’t have one.
Is faking it a feminist issue?
I have faked orgasms with men and women.
I have a theory that you’re less likely to
fake it if you can accept yourself, and you
can communicate yourself to others.
That is tied to feminism because women have a hard time
doing that. We are taught not to accept ourselves.
Feminism and Faking Orgasm
If feminism prides itself on helping women discover their sexuality, and essentially made the female orgasm a human right of sorts, on which plane of logic does faking an orgasm suddenly seem like a good idea?
And yet it seems to be a recurring theme from ‘liberated women’ (not all, of course).
“You had no idea I was faking it! Serves you right!” screams the harpy that used to be a delectable thing that looked gentler than marmalade.
This kind of conversation usually occurs in the early hours of a breakup, and can be quite interesting to listen in to (and easy to listen in to as well. When a girl announces that she was faking it, she usually wants the world to know.
Of course, faking it can have practical benefits for a woman. She could be in the kind of quid pro quo relationship where she benefits significantly in material terms and is not really attracted to the poor sap she’s fooling.
She could be really into the guy, see a rosy future with him, but find that he simply doesn’t get sparks flying (her sparks at least) and prefer to keep him believing she does, because she doesn’t want to hurt him.
She could be frigid, with the sexual libido of a window pane (it happens sometimes) and be pretending to be a fiery little minx because she is scared of boring her lover, whom she wants to hold on to.
There are lots of reasons, seemingly practical ones in fact, that would explain why women fake orgasms. There is only one problem: they don’t make sense.
Being sexually liberated means that more and more women know what they want sexually. As a result of this, more and more women actually do achieve orgasm in their various interactions with men.
Also, more and more men try to ensure women do achieve orgasm; it’s become a sort of badge of pride, and because more men are trying harder, more women are achieving these once seemingly elusive things.
The end result of all this is that more and more men have actually brought a woman to orgasm. There is a great difference between someone faking it and someone actually achieving an orgasm.
It’s huge, and when a man actually pulls off this happy miracle for a woman, he mentally stores it almost reflexively. Orgasms for women are maniacal events, a far FAR cry from the same experience for men, which are comparatively mundane.
So, if you are a female trying to fake it around your man, chances are that he has seen the real thing before; chances are, also, that he will not be fooled; not for one minute.
It’s just notthe same thing. I often watch in amazement while an irate adult female says snidely “You guys can never tell when we are faking it…” Are you insane? Of course men can tell. Here’s what happens: they go ahead and let you think they are buying it.
As long as you get yours, so to speak. That is exactly how men treat women that fake orgasms. They can tell what’s going on, though they can’t explain it. As long as they get their own orgasm, well… who cares, really?
There is one thing to be said in defence of women out there that don’t bother with faking orgasms (and should not be included in the unruly bunch that actually do fake). See, most women that fake orgasms have never actually had one.
It’s the reason they believe they can pull it off ; because they haven’t experienced the real thing, so they are silly enough to think they can imitate the real thing (like an idiot that thinks he can fake an epileptic fit around a doctor).
A woman who’s had the real thing will not bother with faking. It seems like a lot of hard work, and will not get her anywhere.
What she will do, when you turn to her like an idiot and ask: “How was it for you, honey?” is smile and say gently: “Let’s just cuddle.” That should be a warning flag to you to up your game, and then some, son.
