Sex should be like going to
the cinema with a friend.
Is there anyone left who’s monogamous?
Let’s go with no-strings attached sex.
Can you have sex with someone for years
without feeling obliged to use the love-word
or calling what you have a relationship?
For some people, the answer is yes, yes, yes
Definition of a Fuck Mate
Simply call up a male or female friend
of yours when you get horny, have sex
with them, and afterwards you walk out
with no strings attached, without
a relationship in mind.
Call them unlimited booty-calls, the friends
who save you from having to nurse your boners alone,
fuck-mates, friends with benefits are the new trend.
Here are the rules of the fuck-mates’ club.
Rule One: Never Talk about a Fuck Mate
You must not go around telling other people about your fuck mate.
It’s a secret you must take with you to your grave.
Even when the fuck mate chooses to get married,
you must never reveal any information about him or her.
Even when he or she annoys you, revelations about
your fuck mates should never be made.
Rule Two: You must always respond
to a Fuck Request From a Fuckmate
It doesn’t matter whether you are busy at work,
whether it’s raining, whether it’s very late in
the night or whether you are hospitalized,
if you receive a fuck request, you must always
respond to it as soon as possible. Jump on the
fastest bike and go service your fuck mate.
Rule Three: Fuck Mates Never Have Babies
There should never be anything like
babies involved in a fuck-mate arrangement.
Abortion, morning after-sex pill, anything
possible should be done to ensure no babies
result from fuck-mating.
Rule Four: No Relationships
Fuck mates never have relationships.
You don’t upgrade from fuck mate
to girlfriend. A fuck mate will remain
a fuck mate till death tears you apart.
Rule Five: Never Allow A Fuck Mate
to stay for more than 3 days
The maximum time a fuck mate should spend
at your place is 3 days after which he or
she will have to leave without any explanation.
If you still want to fuck, follow them
to their home, stay there for 3 days,
and you can get back for another 3 days.
Rule Six: The moment you begin to feel emotional
attachments, terminate contract
Fuck mates should have no feelings for
each other than banging each other.
The moment feelings begin to arise,
the fuck-mate contract should be terminated.
Rule Seven: Never Call A Fuck Mate Except for Sex
Other than for reasons associated with
the next bang, never call your fuck buddy.
All calls to a fuck buddy should be purely
about inviting them over for some hot steamy
sex and nothing more.
Nothing like ‘checking on you’ or
‘where are you’ phone calls.
It’s purely about fucking.
We’re Here for the Sex
Rule Eight: Meet only for Sex Reasons
Never take out a fuck mate for dinner
or a fuck buddy for coffee,
fuck buddies are purely for sex.
The only places to meet are restricted
to their place or your place and at worst,
a lodge or hotel room. Minimize public
appearances with fuck mates.
Rule Nine: No Premature Ejaculation
Fuck mates should reach orgasm at the same time.
Fuck-mates should make sure, sex doesn’t end
until both parties are satisfied to the core.
No premature ejaculations, no faking orgasms.
It must always be super fun, kinky and a replay
of every sexual fantasies both parties have always had.
If a fuck mate has premature ejaculations,
he should be dumped. If a fuckmate fakes orgasms,
she should be dumped too. This must be real sex.