When it comes to pleasuring a
woman, knowing a little sexual
geography goes a long way.
Every man should have a clitoral
compass and know his way around a woman’s sexual anatomy.
Contrary to conventional wisdom, the clitoris
is much more than just a “love- button.”
It’s a sophisticated network of arousal with
more hot-spots than a latent volcano.
So stop thinking of the clitoris as a little bump,
Find it as a complex network, a pleasure-dome,
the Xanadu at the heart of female sexuality.
With more than 8,000 nerve fibers, the clitoris
has more of them than any other part of the
human body. It interacts with the 15,000 nerve
fibers servicing the entire pelvic area.
Like a Greek column, the clitoris has three components:
a head, a shaft and a base—with some visible parts on
the surface of the vulva and other unseen parts
inside the vaginal area.
Suck Her Nipples
Nipples are taboo in most cultures. They’re concealed, only
revealed for breastfeeding, the doctor, the lover.
This makes them forbidden fruit, a delicious dessert.
As a woman, it feels amazing. I find it much easier
to orgasm if my nipples are being stimulated.
I even play with them myself when I’m alone masturbating.
It helps boost increases my physical pleasure.
Lovely Labia Lips
Using red lipstick is so fucking hot. It makes
your lips look flushed and engorged with blood,
like the vaginal lips during sexual arousal.
Men are following in the footsteps of their primate ancestors.
The faces, genitals and buttocks of female baboons and
chimpanzees turn red during ovulation, an obvious mating
signal to males. A bright, crimson pucker of a woman’s lips
triggers a primal instinct in men.
and Desire in Women
It’s time to overturn some long-held assumptions about
female sexuality. These include: women aren’t hardwired
for promiscuity; that security and emotional connection
are the most important factors in women’s sexual
transactions; that, above all, sexuality in women is
constitutionally milder than in men, rather than the
result of centuries-old social conditioning.
That women’s desire – its inherent range and innate power
– is an underestimated and constrained force, even in our
times, when all can seem so sexually inundated, so far
Women Are Now
Expected to Be
This line of argument was perhaps shockingly counter-cultural in the 1990s. Now it almost feels overstated. It’s great to liberate women’s sexuality from historical restraints, but read in the wrong mood it sounds like yet another obligation.
Along with everything else on your to-do list, you are required to show off your inherent range and innate power like a lab rat on a dopamine surge.
Blame it on the scientists. They watch rats for signs of what in humans might be considered inverse or atypical gender behaviour. The same goes for human experiments, in which women are hooked up to electrodes and shown porn.
Sure enough, the female rats are more sexually aggressive than the males, and the porn-watching women as indiscriminately aroused as the men in the trials, right down to being turned on by copulating bonobos – no candles or incense required.
The complicating factor, of course, is that arousal does not always equal desire, which is the sticking point in the search for a female version of Viagra and the reason why no one wants to date monkeys.
Or, it would seem, nice guys. To support his theory, there are case studies of women who feel guilty for not fancying the sweet, reliable men, opting instead for the unreliable risk-takers.
This is not a new narrative. Fifty Shades of Grey and its impersonators deal in exactly these cliches. They titillate women by aligning more truly – which is to say neurologically – with their sexual impulses.
Many academics extrapolate species-wide lessons from this, about female desire for male-pattern sex, but surely there are other readings; that the man in his “niceness”, is communicating a subtle inadequacy.
That the desire for Fifty Shades fantasy sex is compelling precisely because it is taboo, and therefore as much a social as an animal impulse.
The solid point is that women’s sexuality is still bound up in strict ideas about evolution. It boils down to the idea that one sex is sexual and the other is reproductive. Which is why, perhaps, overt sexuality in women over child-bearing age, or 35 in Hollywood, is not considered attractive, while Robert Redford can still play a romantic lead.
Why, from beginnings in equally obscure academic publications, has parental investment theory come to permeate cultural assumptions over recent decades while monkey realities remained much less known?
Parental investment theory is the strand of evolutionary psychology that argues women are inclined towards monogamy and “safe sex” for the protection of their children, while men, for equally good evolutionary reasons, are compelled to scatter their seed far and wide.
But other studies undermine this completely, showing that in feral environments where male monkeys randomly kill babies in the group, a female monkey who has sex with as many males as possible obscures paternity of her child and stands a better chance of every male in the group protecting it.
Or, in certain monkey societies, the female is dominant, a sexual aggressor who instigates sex and appears to want more of it than male monkeys. Female rhesus monkeys run the sexual show, incite warfare, and rule the world of rhesus politics.
The causation in these examples can sometimes feel a bit flippant, particularly when it comes to rat motivation: a female rat who runs away from her partner is said to do so in order that the sex didn’t end too quickly for her.
It’s far more significant to discuss the difficulty of sustaining interest in a partner over the course of a long marriage. One woman likens the pleasure of having sex with her husband to “the pleasure of returning library books”. Another says, “my husband feels like my brother”.
Sexual boredom is probably the main cause for indulging in fantasies, having affairs and getting divorced