Even when sex became more explicit in the late
’90s, it was often played for comedic effect.
Sex and the City broke many barriers and aired
taboos — Funky spunk! The Rabbit! Promiscuity
became an aspirational lifestyle choice!
The sex scenes were still rendered as farce. The bedroom
on that show was a place of high silliness, of punch lines.
The women were all cleavage and pout. Eye Candy for male
consumption. Liberated sex through a capitalist prism.
The Motion Picture Association of America’s film ratings
system wields a peculiar power over American moviegoers
and over American film culture as a whole.
Many in the film industry have raised criticisms of
the organization for being more lenient with violent
rape scenes than with scenes depicting female
sexuality in a positive light. This debate was catalyzed
by the ratings the MPAA gave to Black Swan and Blue Valentine.
They both featured not especially explicit
depictions of cunnilingus. Black Swan received
an R rating for “strong sexual content,
disturbing violent images, language and some drug use”.
Blue Valentine received the dreaded NC-17 for
“a scene of explicit sexual content,” presumably
the scene featuring cunnilingus.
The differences between the two scenes in question
are striking. Mila Kunis’ character performs oral
sex on Natalie Portman’s character in a kind of erotic
yet nightmarish fever dream from which Portman eventually
wakes up, ultimately nothing more than a hallucination.
Her fantasies are the byproduct of a mind that is
very clearly on the verge of collapse.
By contrast, the cunnilingus in Blue Valentine is
a loving and positive act, performed not long
before the two characters get married.
Yet it was this relatively bland depiction
of consensual sex that was characterized
as utterly inappropriate for anyone under the age of 17.
Spontaneous sex in movies and books may be great
for passionate unplanned sex but it isn’t always
the best thing. In an ideal scenario, every couple
should have both spontaneous and scheduled sex.
To unleash your inner sex goddess, you have to
adopt an assertive erotic attitude and be
a proactive participant in the action.
You need to play the role of bedroom boss
and let your man know what you want.
When you take charge of the sexual
encounter, you’re able to use your
whole body and control your own pleasure.
That can’t happen when you’re pinned
underneath him like a dead fish.
Porn Is like
A Fantasy World
It’s Only Make-Believe
Clearly, porn shows sex manufactured
for the camera, not sex in real life.
This not only applies to porn.
Advertising works on the same principle.
Both porn and ads draw us into a fantasy world.
Commercials for cars look sexy, seem bigger than
they really are, promising immediate gratification.
Porn does the same.
Porn is like Hollywood. Not only do the studios hire
actors with body types that conform to particular
ideals, the majority films reproduce stereotypical
views about how men and women should interact sexually.
Teenagers need help in understanding female
pleasure matters too. It isn’t an easy concept
to sell in a culture that’s encouraged teen
girls to see fellatio as way to avoid pregnancy
and win popularity.