Fresh Sex
PROBLEM
I’ve found out my husband booked and slept with a prostitute a couple of weeks ago while on an overnight stay in London.
I am gutted and feel like my heart has been ripped out. A bit dramatic you’ll probably say but that is exactly how I feel.
He doesn’t know I know, but I have very strong evidence that it did happen – it isn’t just my imagination. It’s on my mind all the time, it’s the last thing I think about when I go to sleep and the first thing on my mind when I wake up.
I feel sick the whole time and keep wanting to burst into tears. I can’t talk to anyone about it – you really don’t want to own up to friends that your husband has done something like this – so I feel very alone with my thoughts. It’s driving me mad if I’m honest.
We’ve since, but am I enough for him now and will he want to sleep with a hooker again?
He’ll be going to London at some point and I’m very worried he’s going to do it once more as it’s so easy to set up (and get away with).
I honestly think this was the first time that he has done it, so do I treat this as just a blip and hope his curiosity has now been satisfied?
He says he loves me very, very much, and so it really hurts to think he could do this to me. How can I compete with a 20-year-old prostitute?
SOLUTION
First of all, you are not competing with a prostitute – many men I’ve spoken to who’ve slept with them always talk about it as being emotionless. It’s the danger and sordidness that’s the attraction.
You’re worried he doesn’t love you any more, but sleeping with a prostitute is not about love and I don’t think for a minute he’s about to leave you to run off with this 20-year-old hooker.
However, I do think you have to tell him you know what he’s done before it drives you to the edge because it’s eating away at you and breaking your heart.
There’s no need for your friends and family to know – keep it between the two of you.
Tell him you need to know why he felt the need to do it.
Was it a one-off fantasy?
Does he feel that the sexual excitement has now gone from your relationship? Do you think he would like to spice things up, but just doesn’t know how to ask?
When you talk to him about it, make sure you have the evidence. And when you’ve discussed it, then decide if you can forgive him or not.
And if you do forgive him, make it clear it’s not something you’re prepared to turn a blind eye to in the future.
One reply on “Husbands & Hookers”
I have been in a relationship for 30 years with the same woman, and on and off during that period, I have visited escorts for a kind of sexual entertainment not available in marriage. I do not want an affair. I do not want an emotional bond with another woman. I only want that bond with one person. However I am an animal, part of a species of great ape into which we have been programmed by our biology to be serially monogamous. Men (male great apes of genus homo sapiens sapiens) are faithful to a single female for between two and three years, women for about seven. Then we are supposed to move on. However life is tough and if you are lucky you find a friend who you want to be with forever then you have found love. But even so, you sometimes, at different times of your life, need more. That is when those wonderful women who provide sexual entertainment come into the picture; and then leave when that need is over. It is with great respect and a love of a different kind that I say – Thank you ladies. You know who you are and you are all special!