Porn is like food. Much of it is harmless.
Some of it is bad. But some of it is simply good.
Younger people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual,
or transgender can discover through porn a
window into their own experiences.
Digital Porn
It’s everywhere, even in your bedroom.
You may not realize it, your boyfriend
may rarely watch it, but the kind of sex
you’re having has access-all porn to
thank for its life-imitating-art effect.
Men have spent the last ten to fifteen years
watching porn in quantities unimaginable to
previous generations and the consequence is
that they have unconsciously been asking
you to have sex like a porn star.
I realized this for the first time when
my girlfriends were having one of those
scandalously frank discussions about sex.
Confessions abounded regarding who liked a little
hair pulling, who had had a threesome, who had tried anal.
It was at this point that one girl confessed
the guy she was seeing really seemed to enjoy
calling her a “slut” during sex.
She didn’t see anything wrong with it and wanted
to let it turn her on, but she couldn’t help
the fact that she didn’t enjoy it.
A few other girls said they had experienced the same thing.
At this point, another friend chimed in that her boyfriend
did this thing where on occasion, during passionate
lovemaking, he engaged in a little light choking.
Nothing serious enough to impair breathing, he barely
did more than use one hand to hold her around the neck,
but she was surprised by it,
Called Her a Cunt
Then someone else added a story about a guy
she was seeing who had called her a cunt.
He didn’t mean it derogatorily, she explained.
He said he just wanted hers so badly and it
was meant to be foreplay,
The men my friends were dating had subconsciously
allowed common scenarios from pornography to
creep into their sexual behavior.
No Longer Taboo
These acts would have been taboo or even fetishist.
Men probably would be embarrassed to even ask
for such a thing from a lover.
But after watching it on your computer thousands
of times, men have come to believe that this type
of sex is the norm. When did it become normal to
objectify your wives and girlfriends in the bedroom?
Teenagers Watch Porn
Today’s kids are growing up watching porn. Not
just the naked images of yesterday but hardcore porn.
How will this affect their ideas regarding what
normal sex is and what kind of sex will they
expect to have on an average basis?
I once thought soft-core porn was the answer. If we could
get young men to watch romantic sex, maybe we
could change what turns the average man on.
I don’t think there’s too much chance of that.
Women Want Love.
Men Want Sex
Even if women made a version of porn which was
romantic and sweet and filled with rose petals,
men are not going to be interested in watching it.
It seems we just have to accept that digital
porn is changing the way we have sex
Are Women Puritans?
Is there anything inherently wrong with what these
men want in the bedroom? If a couple has a completely
respectful relationship outside the bedroom, but
during sex the husband wants to call his wife a slut
but she doesn’t like it, why should the man have to change?
Maybe she’s the one being prudish and repressed.
Teens Need More Sex Information
Teens & Sex: A Mix of
Myths & Facts
A teen-age girl called the local Medical Center in a panic, saying she needed “prenatal care” immediately. When she arrived at the hospital later, it was learned she was in labor.
Another teenager, fearing she was pregnant, was asked why she hadn’t used birth control. Her boyfriend, she explained, didn’t want her to be “that kind of girl.” After the scare, would she start using birth control? No, she replied, she didn’t want to be that kind of a girl, either.
A teenage boy wanting to buy condoms drove 50 miles to a place where he could be sure nobody he knew would see him. Another boy stole them because he was too embarrassed to buy them from a clerk.
Such stories illustrate the widespread misinformation and unhelpful attitudes about sex and pregnancy held by some youngsters despite their apparent sexual savvy, say counselors, clinicians and health educators who worry about the high pregnancy rate of U.S. teenagers.
Since 1972, the number of teenagers who are sexually active has risen by two-thirds; today, 49% of all 15- to 19-year-olds are sexually active. National studies show the average teenager today starts sexual activity at age 16 and that half of teen pregnancies occur within six months thereafter.
Gaps in Knowledge
While more teens are using contraceptives than ever before, only a third always use a contraceptive method, and three-quarters wait nine months to a year before obtaining contraception from a clinic or a physician.
Many are unsure how to obtain contraceptives or how the methods work. Some do not realize they can get them confidentially from private physicians as well as clinics.
In 1983, a federal appeals court called unlawful a Reagan Administration “squeal rule,” which would have required federally funded family planning clinics to notify parents when dispensing contraceptives to young women under 18.
Based on the questions they’re asked, American teens commonly believe pregnancy cannot result from the first sexual intercourse, educators say. And they believe pregnancy cannot occur if sex occurs infrequently–or in a vertical position. Few understand the relationship between menstruation and pregnancy.
Many believe birth control pills cause cancer, birth defects, sterility or tuberculosis. In fact, although certain health risks are associated with the Pill, the health risks associated with pregnancy, abortion or venereal disease are greater.
Even among teens who are knowledgeable, young men tend to assume–incorrectly–that the majority of young women are taking birth control pills. And both sexes, educators say, talk about preferring to be swept away romantically rather than preparing for sex with contraceptives.
Young women are particularly uncomfortable admitting their sexuality to themselves. “Being swept away allows us to be sexual. What we can’t control, we can’t be blamed for. We can’t be labeled bad or promiscuous. That’s what makes women not use birth control.”
“They think it’s so romantic to just let it happen, to be spontaneous. I say it’s stupid. Have you ever heard of a spontaneous boy? He’s been planning and organizing this thing for years.”
“We have less knowledge than ever before. There’s all this sex in the media, but no sex information. It’s very sad. We’re not providing young people with knowledge, we’re providing them with stimulation, provocation and advertising.”