No More Vanilla Sex!

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You’re the Cream
in My Coffee

Vanilla sex is what a culture regards as standard or conventional sexual behaviour. Different cultures, subcultures and individuals have different ideas about what constitutes this type of sex.

Often, it is interpreted as sex which does not involve things like BDSM, kink, or fetish activities.

Contemporary: anything run-of-the-mill. That fat man Trump. He’s so vanilla.

The term vanilla derives from the use of vanilla extract as the basic flavoring for ice cream, and by extension, meaning plain or conventional.

In relationships where only one partner enjoys less conventional forms of sexual expression, the partner who does not enjoy such activities is often referred to as the vanilla partner.

They are branded as unadventurous and dull in sexual matters. Through exploration with their partner, it is possible for a more vanilla-minded person to discover new facets of their sexuality.

Megan Thee Stallion:
Definitely Not Vanilla

Vanilla: member of the boring sexual majority, that has no idea of the raging sexual party of fetishes and swapping that whirls around them.

When we walk up the street from the BDSM dungeon to get to the swinger’s party, let’s tone down the sexual talk and groping, we don’t want to scare all of the vanillas on the sidewalk.

Lick My Lollipop:
No More Vanilla Sex

People who keep the sex “vanilla” probably want
to avoid feeling weird. They associate any sex
out of the ordinary as threatening.

He or she subconsciously prefers the idea
of being “regular” at the risk of being boring.

It often helps couples to dispel fears of being
“weird” by exploring their own limits of “weirdness”.

Explore what crossing this line would mean.
What would happen if you let go of “weird?”
Think of it as a new adventure.

Have you had sex in the kitchen? All those fucking surfaces!

Keep on Moving

Vanilla or Kink?

The Sex Spectrum

Everyone’s sexuality is different. It can consist of a different anatomy, libido, orientation, interests, orgasm, ways to orgasm, etc. In this spectrum of sexuality, the line between kink and vanilla is simply the line where society starts judging.

The difference between being kinky and being vanilla is the same as the difference between being straight and being gay. Besides the fact that some people are considered outside the cultural norm and some are not, there is no fundamental difference, and the reality is that most people lie somewhere in between the two extremes.

In a perfectly sex-positive world, there would be no such thing as “kinky.” Whether one’s sexuality is due to genetics or a choice wouldn’t matter, and sex wouldn’t be a game with very convoluted rules that name “winners” and “losers.”

I don’t mean to paint kink as a perfect wonderland. The reality is that it kink exists in the context of modern society, complete with sexual assault, social biases (sexism, racism, etc.) and discrimination.

The entire kink community, including our own kink on campus, functions under as much anonymity as possible. Many fear the impact being outed would have on their career and relationships.

Many understand and respect our anonymity, but so few question why it is necessary and what negative impact this legacy of silence has on individuals.

Candid Kink is just what it sounds like: a group for all things kink, and a two-pronged effort to create a support system for students to safely explore kink and to campaign for the legitimacy of kink.

There seem to be more kink-identified people than queer or LGBT-identified people, but one can major in Feminist, Gender, and Sexuality Studies and never read an article about kink by someone kink-identified.

There are no resources here that address kink. There are no classes on campus that explore kink as anything more than a footnote.

This isn’t the university’s fault in particular, but rather evidence of a widespread tendency for “legitimate” organizations to not acknowledge kink, for fear of being associated with it.

There is so little research into kink that we hardly even know what demographics it reflects, let alone the problems it faces.

One exception, a survey by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, found that a third of kink-identified people, including the heavily closeted, report experiencing discrimination based on their involvement with kink.

More than half of that discrimination came from medical professionals and a quarter from government or police officials, which implies that these much-needed services systematically fall short of serving this population’s needs.

This has a concrete, negative impact: Isolation and a lack of resources puts many newcomers to kink at a high risk of abuse. In turn, there are few resources available for those who have their consent broken in an unconventional circumstance.

While the kink community tries to enforce consent and offer resources and medical knowledge to those who need it, it should be the job of the police and relevant professionals.

I am not calling for a large-scale civil rights movement like the gay rights movement, but am asking the local community — as a university and as a campus — to respect kink as a gender and sexuality minority in academia and in services on campus.

Although kink is currently dismissed as an individual’s crazy sexual tastes, it represents a world of enthusiastic consent that encourages you to craft the relationships and live the experiences that truly satisfy you; a world that must function in silence and in isolation.

Kink Positive

More about Kinksters in the closet.

It can be quite scary to realise you’re a little different, a freak of nature. That what gets you off is not mainstream, vanilla, or the missionary position. That you need a little bit more drama in the bedroom, a little more excitement to get your motor running.

Once you’ve come to terms with your own perverted fantasies … perhaps you need to step out to your partner. The kind, loving soul who has dutifully been making love to you twice a week in the same position for the past ten years.

You might be afraid of that conversation, that he or she will shout “pervert!” and run for the hills. That they’ll see you differently, treat you differently or worst of all, shun you all together.

You may discover they might be harbouring a couple of quiet little kinky fantasies of their own.

Sex Kink & Teenagers

Choking and kink has become acceptable in teen sex.

Choking during sex, a practice once considered a fetish
for adults who favor bondage and domination, is an
increasing part of some teenage sex lives.

Among 14 to 18-year-old girls with sexual experience,
more than one in eight has experienced choking during sex.

10% of teenage boys in gay relationships
reported that they had been choked.

Girls in straight relationships were
more often the targets of choking.

Even though choking should be something that takes a lot
of consent, trust, safety and communication, this is less
clear among teenagers who may imagine it’s a fun thing to do.

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