All Sexed Up

Sex in Public Spaces

In flagrante delicto.
Or as I like to call it,
“boning beyond borders.”

For those not well-versed in Latin, the term
refers to that fun outdoor activity where
only fools dare to tread: Sex in public.

Sure it’s risky, somewhat undignified and if you
get caught, the penalties can be steep. But my
partner and I have developed a taste for it regardless.

That’s mostly because I like my men the way I like
my coffee – all over me in 30 seconds flat (I’m a klutz).

So when nature calls, it’s simply too painful to keep
it in my pants until I’m in the privacy of my own home.

Luckily, as a modern woman, condoms are always
in my purse (oh, the wonders of a woman’s purse].
Mine carries everything from Chapstick to chopsticks).
Before you could say “Bob’s your uncle,” he dropped
his jeans and I dropped my knickers. Let the fucking begin.

You don’t have to go the whole hog right away.
If you’re not sure you’d like public sex,
try dipping your toes into the exhibitionist
waters with a hot make-out session.

Sit in your car in a crowded parking lot,
sneak your boyfriend into a department
store fitting room, or push him against
the wall in an elevator.

Kiss him passionately, fondle him over
his clothes, and see if the prospect
of getting caught turns you on.

Fuck You in the Cubicle

How about getting it done in an empty public lavatory
when the mood strikes while the two of you are out?
Especially if you’re not ready to call it a night.

Contemplation in the Lavatory

With a little creativity (and some discretion),
the bathroom can become the scene of your next
steamy shag session. Not to mention, once the
two of you are done, the clean up is convenient.

For the more cautious, you can relax. Sex
in a public bar or club toilet will likely
just get you kicked out of the place rather than arrested.

If you’re in a cubicle, flip the toilet seat down
and have her place one leg up on top of it
while bracing her hands on the wall.

Hold her at the waist while entering her from behind.
Not only does this position get the job done in a
tight space, but the angle provides extra pleasure
for both of you. Her raised leg will allow for deeper
penetration and better stimulation of the G-spot.

Why Is Public Nudity Illegal?

Because it’s so difficult to ignore. The late political philosopher Joel Feinberg’s “offense principle” offers one persuasive theory for why nudity is illegal. Feinberg argued that an act need not be objectively harmful to merit prohibition—it need only produce an unpleasant mental state such as shame, disgust, or anxiety in observers. Plenty of obnoxious but legal behaviors, like chewing with an open mouth or failure to bathe, can create the same reaction, but Feinberg claimed that nudity has a unique ability to demand our attention. He wrote, “The unresolved conflict between instinctual desires and cultural taboos leaves many people in a state of unstable equilibrium and a readiness to be wholly fascinated, in an ambivalent sort of way, by any suggestion of sexuality in their perceptual fields.” We are drawn ineluctably toward the sexual suggestiveness of the naked body, Feinberg argued, then ashamed of our own reaction.

It’s difficult to say why nudity makes us so uneasy, but it’s clear that our aversion to nakedness is longstanding and probably religious in nature. When upholding anti-indecency laws, several judges have pointed to the Bible. In 1877, for example, the Indiana Supreme Court noted that “the first exercise of mechanical ingenuity was in the manufacture of fig-leaf aprons by Adam and Eve, by which to conceal from the public gaze of each other their, now, but not then, called, privates.” Public nudity was illegal under English common law, although it was subsumed under the more general offense of lewdness, along with such acts as adultery, fornication, and swearing. Former Chief Justice William Rehnquist has referred to the “ancient origin” of the nudity prohibition.

Feinberg’s theory on the nudity taboo is just one of many. Appeals court judges have formulated a variety of explanations, usually in the process of upholding laws against exotic dance establishments. Justice Souter, for example, argued that certain kinds of public nudity can be outlawed because of “pernicious secondary effects” like prostitution and sexual assault. Proponents of San Francisco’s ban on public nudity are concerned about the effect rampant nudity has on neighborhood businesses. Others worry that nudity undermines public hygiene.

Justice Scalia believes that some acts are simply immoral, and lumps public nudity in with “sadomasochism, cockfighting, bestiality, suicide, drug use, prostitution, and sodomy.” (Scalia wrote his anti-nudity opinion before the Supreme Court struck down state sodomy laws.)

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