Performance anxiety is a peculiarly modern blight, infiltrating every aspect of our lives and especially our relationships.
I doubt our mothers’ generation spent hours in mental agony because they weren’t achieving some mythical gold medal standard in sexual athletics.
One major problem for today’s lovers is that we’re so bombarded with images of hyper-sexual beings who seem to live in the permanent sensual haze of a Haagen-Dazs ice cream ad that our own romances seem constrained and tepid by comparison.
You should rid yourself of the notion that you’re unusually inhibited. Almost everyone goes through periods of feeling sexually reticent.
It’s entirely natural to feel self-conscious when you first start being sexually active, when you try something new in bed, or start a new relationship.
Your feelings of reserve may have gone on a little longer than most, but that’s because you haven’t yet found your comfort zone. I suspect your vivid imagination and the sexual fantasies you mention are acting as sky-high targets that you fear you can’t reach. No wonder.
Our wildest sexual fantasies aren’t generally intended to be acted upon, but often seem designed to be stored away as thrillingly taboo imaginings for the secret movie theatre of our minds.
If you suddenly made yourself perform all sorts of geisha tricks, you would probably feel uncomfortable and absurd, while your boyfriend might well feel too startled (if not downright terrified) to respond with warmth.
There’s a world of difference between ‘letting go’ a bit and swinging from the chandelier.
Fucking in Braille
Do you ever undress a hottie with your eyes and imagine what Shorty’d look like if she dropped ’em to the ground like she ain’t got manners?
That does seem to be the goal doesn’t it — getting some sexy thing into your bed naked? But then what do we do: lights out for the duration of the evening and an early-morning quick change?
If imagining someone in the flesh gets us so immediately turned on, why do we so often spend the night reading body Braille? When did we go from “look, but don’t touch” to “see no evil?”
On average, how many people throughout the day see you completely, head-to-toe, buck naked? I’m talking full-frontal flesh couture.
The fact is, we want our bodies to look great, but who’s really seeing them in the nude? Well, yeah, our private-part doctors, but mostly the people we choose to have sex with. These are the individuals we allegedly trust enough to expose ourselves to completely — mind and body.
Yet I’d be the first to admit that feeling comfortable sleeping with someone and feeling comfortable being naked in front of the same person are two entirely separate issues.
Yes, they should come hand-in-hand, but when it comes down to self-esteem and openness, there is a huge disconnect between our sexuality and how comfortable we are with our naked selves.
So many women have a really hard time opening up to having sex with the light on or during the day, just because they’re afraid the person they’re sleeping with won’t like what they see.
Well let me just say that if someone is in your bed, they are attracted to your body and want to see all you have to offer. If you can just let yourself be vulnerable and let go, the sex you’re having will be even sexier.
So let’s stop playing hide-and-seek, drop trou and step into the limelight. Sex should tantalize all the senses, and seeing is believing. Plus, no one in their right mind would say no to a morning-after shower session. Naked, wet, delicious.