I’m a 26-year-old man in a six-year relationship with a 24-year-old woman.
At the start of our relationship, she admitted she’d never had an orgasm.I’ve realised she has a low sex drive, something which she acknowledges but doesn’t want to do anything about it.
I have looked into primary anorgasmia and its solutions, but the likelihood of sex therapy is slim (it is nearly impossible to get her to talk about this). I’m getting to the end of my tether.
RESPONSE: Many anorgasmic women have never explored their own bodies and don’t really know how they work. Some simply appear to have low desire, or even withdraw from sex all together.
Your partner may have made a genuine choice to remain anorgasmic; however, if you approach her with a generous spirit, she may feel empowered.
Try exploring the erogenous zones of her body, asking for feedback about what feels best. Suggest that she simply enjoys the sensations, without any pressure to orgasm.
Pay special attention to her clitoris, and you may jointly make vital discoveries. If you are up for some advanced sexual exploration, tantric techniques that accentuate female pleasure may be particularly helpful.
But frame your renewed interest in helping facilitate her pleasure in a way that is non-threatening and does not increase her anxiety.
Various types of orgasm
Thanks to Freud, the father of psycho-analysis, people used to believe that vaginal orgasms were what mature women had, while clitoral orgasms were what immature women had.
Experts no longer believe this. And many of today’s sex experts, as well as ordinary women, say that they really don’t know the difference between a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral one.
The majority of women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax. This applies whether they’re enjoying love play or intercourse.
Some women, on the other hand, believe they can ‘come’ through intercourse with no manual stimulation of the clitoris and claim that it’s the vagina itself that sparks off the orgasm.
But many sex experts think that what’s happening during intercourse is the clitoris is being stimulated by being pulled down or being rubbed by part of the man’s torso.
There’s also the G-spot to consider.
Some women experience a particularly intense orgasm when that part of their anatomy is stimulated (you can find the G-spot inside you, on the front vaginal wall).
Indeed, many women who enjoy having their G-spots touched claim that they ejaculate during these intense orgasms.
So, there may be a case for saying that there’s a G-spot orgasm – as well as possibly a vaginal one and one that originates in the clitoris.
Our feeling about all of this is that it really doesn’t matter whether or not there are different types of orgasms.
The important thing is that you should be having good, reliable orgasms whenever you want them – and you should be enjoying them.