The one thing we do know about “slut”. It’s supposed
to be the last thing a woman should want to be.
Maybe it’s time to embrace the word, just as gays
embraced ‘queer’ slut is a sexually liberated woman.
Society is so concerned over women and girls’ potential
for promiscuity that we create dress codes, school
curricula, even legislation around protecting women’s
supposed purity.
Conservative columnists opine that women having sex
is tantamount to a “mental health crisis”, and magazine
stories wonder if we’re raising a generation of “prosti-tots”.
What the Fuck Am
I Doing Here?
If you haven’t experienced the sheer confusion of waking up
in a bed not your own, with your first thought being,
“I need to get the fuck out of here,” then you haven’t lived.
For those of us keeping up the slut tradition, this one’s for you.
It doesn’t mean you need to have blacked out
and not know how you got into the bed you’re waking
up in, although I’m not ruling that out entirely.
The Sleepover from Simon Bolz on Vimeo.
The sheer panic is the inevitable awkwardness
you’ll be forced to replay over and over in
your head during your walk of shame.
Unless, of course, you’ve made a ninja-like escape
somewhere between the hours of 6 and 7 a.m., in which
case it’s safe to assume this isn’t your first rodeo.
But if you do successfully toot it and boot it,
you sly dog you, make sure you have all of your stuff with you.
If you end up getting back your
forgotten items in the same state
you left them in, consider yourself lucky.
I don’t know what it is about bras, but
they always end up in places they don’t
belong: a kitchen cabinet, a tree.
Sometimes their roommate will discover it and
throw it out. That’s 40 bucks I’ll never see again,
Sometimes, even a repeat hookup can still make you
want to get away, maybe even more so, because of that.
When morning sex is out of the question, and you really
have nothing witty on hand to say, it is simply time to go.
One and done, hit it and quit it, lay without pay,
I could go on for days here. Lesson learned:
don’t be a lingerer. But what exactly is proper
morning after etiquette to assure you won’t be just that?
She Wants to Fuck
Let’s face it, no one looks quite as good
as they did the night before. It could be
because the beer goggles are gone.
But add that to the post-sex hair, running
makeup and face creases from your pillow, and
well, would you look at that. Shit just got real.
