The Sweetest Lust

sweet lust

A Girl’s Desire

sweet desire

How do teenage girls
control their sexual desire?

If you feel so horny that you’re inclined to take foolish risks, have sex without protection as a result of your heightened desires, then controlling those impulses might be a good idea, or at least their redirection in a less harmful way.

You don’t mention if you’re sexually active or just horny all the time in spite of never having had sex. Either way, there’s absolutely nothing harmful about masturbation. Horny teens of either gender often engage in self-relief quite often during puberty, and unless it’s so frequent that it causes inflammation in the genital area, regular orgasms can only release brain chemicals (endorphins and other pleasure related substances) which can satisfy sexual desires. Or at least make them go away for as long as it takes to finish your homework.

If you’re not active sexually and wish to preserve your hymen, then of course don’t masturbate by inserting anything into your vagina, but if that’s not the case, either because it’s gone through sex or non-existent, (some girls have such flimsy ones that first penetrations are similar to later ones) then make sure you use a dildo made of silicon, not latex,* or put a condom over the object you want to use as a dildo.

I don’t remember a day in which I only masturbated once from the age of 14 until my mid to late twenties, so if the hormonal impulse is there, enjoy it, and over time you’ll almost surely find a balance between self pleasure and joined pleasure with a willing partner.

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Teenage Girls Want
Sexual Pleasure

I was brought up in a very religious household, taught that sex and sexuality should be reserved for the holy institution of marriage. I find myself only now breaking away from my childhood paradigms and exploring my sexuality in my 30s.

Had someone – a friend, a teacher, a school psychologist – suggested to me in my teens that it was okay to explore myself fully and holistically; that there was no shame in masturbation, with a partner, or alone, I imagine that my life would have been quite different.

I often wonder if I’d been taught how to masturbate whether many of my relationships would have been easier? I would have known earlier on in life what does and doesn’t give me sexual pleasure. I would have been a far more empowered sexual agent in my own right.

As a female teacher who works in a fairly prestigious all girls’ school I was surprised recently by a conversation which came up in a developmental sex education workshop for staff.

The discussion was centred on the correct action a staff member should take when presented with a ‘morally’ tricky sexual situation. The intended purpose of the workshop was to suggest empathy and guidance as the correct action – instead of judgment and criticism.

The staff had grasped this and had been broken up into small groups to discuss the ‘correct course of action’ in a series of theoretical case situations.

Negotiating Teenage Sex

One of the situations presented a girl whose boyfriend was trying to coerce her into penetrative sex. The girl was still uncertain and had suggested mutual masturbation instead.

At his refusal she was uncertain whether to end the relationship or bend to his will. The response from the group was a fairly obvious one, ‘if he isn’t prepared to wait he doesn’t respect or deserve you’ and ‘if you aren’t ready, then wait’ – all of which are the correct responses to give a self-doubting and confused young adolescent girl.

The Double Standard

Surprisingly, the overriding opinion was that the teenage girl was only suggesting masturbation as a way to appease her boyfriend. Even going so far as to imply that by making the suggestion, she compromised her integrity.

Absent from the discussion was how her suggestion may have been her honestly verbalising and expressing her own needs and sexual drive. The consensus was that a teen girl would never have come up with such a salacious idea by herself.

Sexual desire is seemingly a one sided thing, coming only from teenage boys. Young girls are purely empty vessels without any sexual curiosity, waiting to be coerced by the explorations of the sexually impulsive men around them.

This sexual double standard short changes girls when it comes to prepping them for the reality of their sexuality, taking it as given that ‘good’ girls just don’t want it. Of course I am deeply opposed to the idea of ANY ONE, at ANY age, forcing an unwilling partner into sex.

But as the conversation at the workshop continued I began to get the sense that the issue of teen sexual agency was part of a larger and more complex dialogue about gender stereotypes and social denial.

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