For most women, masturbatory orgasms
are more intense than orgasms during sex.
You experience stronger sensations of
contraction and release.
You can come more quickly alone than with your
partner, taking as little as one fifth of the time.
Why? You know your body. You know precisely what
to do to arouse yourself to reach this erotic state,
how much pressure to apply and specifically where
to apply it. When you reach solo orgasms you are
more focused, enjoying the sensations of the moment.
The search for orgasm with your fuck mate is different.
The process to climax may be prolonged by his presence.
Now there are two people who are searching for the
same pleasure. It can be distracting.
Sharing your orgasmic secrets is a turn-on for him.
Acknowledge this as an ingredient of foreplay.
Let him know how important it is for you
to be fully aroused before he enters you.
Exercise your right to slow things down.
Make sure he knows that even though you
may be willing to be the receptacle
for his pleasure, he must reciprocate.
Show him how. Demonstrate.
Women who practice solo sex see themselves as entitled
to sexual pleasure, which heightens their self-esteem.
There’s no wrong or right way to do it. Some women
use a vibrator to stimulate the vagina while stroking
or massaging the area surrounding the clitoris.
Or using their fingers with changing pressure.
Circular motions, rubbing up and down one side or the other seem to be the preferred method. Finger motion generally becomes more intense until orgasm.
If you find that orgasms are easy to achieve
during masturbation and virtually nonexistent
during intercourse, ask your sexual partner
to tease and please you during sex.
After considerable foreplay, begin masturbating until
you feel you’re about to reach orgasm, then allow
him to come in while you continue masturbating.
Never assume his penis alone will do the trick.
For most men just knowing you’re uninhibited
enough to help yourself to come in this way
is a red-hot turn-on. This may be the moment
to celebrate simultaneous orgasms.
Masturbation: My First Time
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Anticipating Sex
The Key to Sexual Desire
Is Anticipation
What we anticipate, what we desire is often greater in our imagination than the gratification we get. The stimulation derived from anticipation of gratification gives us greater pleasure than the final gratification.
Sexual anticipation is one of the greatest pleasures, surpassed only sometimes by the pleasure of sexual fantasy and masturbation.
The physical feelings experienced along with heightened stimulation from near anticipation of a sexual encounter is greater than the actual act.
To some, this might appear to be wrong and misguided, given our ability to recall moments of great sexual pleasure. However, are these memories exact? Or are these memories accurate?
For example, did the person we pleasurably fucked look exactly like our memory of the experience? Did all of our memory of the pleasure come from the act, or did some of it come from the feeling of satisfaction in fulfillment of the expectation?
Is the fulfillment of expectation/desire is the goal of sexual pleasure with someone we have desired, someone we consider sexually attractive?
When we discount the memory of the pleasure derived from the fulfillment of the desire/goal, is our memory of the actual sexual encounter still greater than our actual memory of the act?
Without the initial desire, without the anticipation, stimulation leading to the fulfillment would not necessarily be as pleasurable. We see the mind, the ego, the desires of I playing a substantial part in the fulfillment of pleasure from the act.
Loss of Sexual Pleasure
When Anticipation Decreases
We see examples in our own lives when the lowering of anticipation and heightened pleasurable stimulation actually leads to a lowering of the pleasure derived from sex.
Sometimes, this is misrepresented as familiarity. However, familiarity itself cannot be classed as a prime cause of the lack of anticipation. Rather, it is how the ego changes its mind, once desired pleasures are fulfilled, or constantly fulfilled.
For many males, brought up with the modern developed world’s models of pleasures, sexual experience of pleasure with a regular partner over a period may lessen compared with the heightened potential pleasure from lusting after other women.
