Biologically, the vagina is less
about sex and more about reproduction,
gateway to the world, the birth canal.
Compared with the clitoris and vaginal
lips, it contains few nerve endings and
is less easily roused.
She sees her vagina as a receptacle for his
sperm. Not for him to pound as he wants.
Most young men see the vagina as somewhere
to prove themselves. Phallic superiority,
penetration, of scoring and screwing.
That prevailing perspective goes to the heart
of sexism and its causes Men are cocksure,
expecting women to admire their erection.
The Vagina Is Incidental
Most people consider the vagina a key female sex
organ. For some, the only one. But the embryonic
tissue that becomes the vagina has no connection
to the hot-spot clitoris.
It develops from the Mullerian ducts,
tissue that degenerates in the male.
Although intercourse may feel marvelous and cement
intimacy and closeness, biologically, the vagina
is not that central to the erotic experience.
The vagina is a sex organ for men because
it receives the penis during intercourse.
But using that definition, the mouth is a sex
organ because it too can receive the penis.
Unfortunately, porn often shows men pumping fingers,
penises, sex toys, and other things furiously
in and out of the vagina. Most women would feel
more sexually satisfied if men gently caressed
the clitoris and labia.
Relax the Vagina
A Women Needs Foreplay
Vulva is the name applied to the female external genitals as a whole. As a woman becomes aroused the entire vulva becomes engorged with blood, resulting in swelling and darkening of the external genitals.
The result of this swelling is much like a water bed, touching any place causes ripples of sensation throughout the whole area. For this reason it is possible for a woman to have an orgasm without the clitoris being directly stimulated.
The Labia majora [also called the large or outer lips] start at the thigh and extend inward, surrounding the rest of the vulva. The outer edges are hair covered, the inner edges are smooth.
The skin of the outer lips is rich in blood vessels, and darker than the skin of the thighs. During arousal the labia majora swell and become even darker.
Prior to adolescence the outer lips come together, covering the rest of the vulva; after puberty the lips are slightly parted, showing some of the labia minora [also called the smaller or inner lips.
They are located between the labia majora, meeting at the bottom below the entrance to the vagina, and joining at the top with the clitoral hood.
The smaller lips are hairless, smooth, and irregular. They usually protrude beyond the labia majora, and one is larger than the other. The small lips contain extensive blood vessels and nerve endings, along with sweat and oil glands.
Any movement of these lips pulls on the clitoral hood, causing stimulation. The labia minora darken progressively during arousal, becoming darkest just before climax. Women who have been pregnant have darker inner lips than those who have not.
When the vagina’s at rest its muscle tissue remains tightly folded like a closed accordion. Anxiety makes the vaginal musculature clench even tighter.
That’s why young girls sometimes have problems inserting tampons. Their vaginal muscle tissue is tight and contracted to begin with, and many girls feel anxious about touching themselves and inserting anything, so the muscles contract even tighter.
As women become sexually aroused, vaginal muscle tissue relaxes somewhat. Biologically, this makes perfect sense. Evolution is all about facilitating reproduction.
A tight vagina would impede intercourse and reproduction, so women evolved to have sexual arousal relax the vaginal muscles, allowing easier insertion of erections–and greater chance of pregnancy.
However, arousal-related vaginal loosening doesn’t produce a big open cavity like the inside of a sock. Rather, the vaginal interior changes from resembling a tight fist to a fist loose enough to insert a finger or two.
If the vagina feels “too tight” during lovemaking, the woman is either (1) not interested in sex, or (2) she has not had enough warm-up time to allow her vaginal musculature to relax enough for comfortable insertion.
A man who attempts intercourse before the woman is fully aroused–before her vagina has relaxed and become well lubricated–is either sexually unsophisticated or a boor.
Most women require at least 30 minutes of sensuality. This includes kissing, hugging, and mutual massage for their vaginas to relax enough to allow the penis to slide in comfortably.
That’s why leisurely, playful, whole-body foreplay is so important. It gives women (and men) the warm-up time they need.
In addition, it also allows the vagina to relax, and, in most women, produce enough natural lubrication for comfortable intercourse. In other words, the solution to vaginal tightness is extended foreplay. It you need more lubrication, try a commercial lubricant.