Sex Mix: Teen Girls Should be Masturbating
As Much As Boys. Sexual Satisfaction
Guaranteed. Get her Engorged. When Women Lust.
I Just Can’t Get Enough. Men Want to Be
Desired. Practical Sex Lessons
We’re Talking about
Good Vibrations
An enlightened psychologist came up
with the idea when she was a teenager.
Proving the point that this is something that people
just a few years younger than her might actually want.
But of course instead of being accepted,
the claim has sparked a massive debate.
Should we give teenage girls vibrators, or should
we carry on pretending that masturbation doesn’t
exist every time we encounter a teenager?
Some people are pulling their hair out over
the thought that young girls might enjoy a
wank every once in a while.
God forbid we should accept that teenage
girls should learn how to orgasm.
Seriously, what do people believe? That if we don’t
give girls vibrators they’ll simply never use them?
That if we don’t ever say the word “vibrator” teen
girls will never learn of their existence?
Maybe if we don’t talk to young girls about sexual
pleasure they’ll just never know what wanking is at all.
And then women will never masturbate and never have orgasms.
And then vibrators will go out of fashion and the whole
vibrator industry will collapse and we’ll never hear of them
again, not even as relics in museums, because female pleasure
will be erased from history.
Sexual Satisfaction Guaranteed
Penis length isn’t that big a factor for sexual
satisfaction but penis width may very well be.
Women who self-stimulate are also more likely
to feel sexually satisfied. because they’re
more aware of their sexual wants and needs.
Get Her Engorged
Quality oral sex is about much more than just tongue.
The first organ you need to engage is the brain.
Grounding, connecting, affirming, teasing
and dirty talk can all get her engorged
and ready to orgasm before contact.
When Women Lust
Do women really crave intimacy and emotional
connection? Are women drawn to sex with
strangers and multiple pairings?
What is the role of narcissism – the desire
to be desired – in female sexuality?
I Just Can’t Get Enough
I need a lot of sex
I’m single and I always want sex.
I masturbate every day. No man is safe.
I almost propositioned a cute
builder, I was so desperate!
Why is my sex drive never like
this when I’m in a relationship?
Men Want to Be Desired
Feeling sexually desirable is a huge component
of women’s sexual desire. Might this be quite
important to men’s sexuality too?
Men’s desire to feel desired goes against
the grain of the narrow stereotype our society
continues to promote around men and sex.
If men want to feel desired, it suggests their
sexual desire could (at least at times) be
responsive rather than spontaneous.
It suggests that men might sometimes prefer
to be passive in their sexuality, rather
than dominant and “aggressive.”
Plenty of Sexual Experience
Practical Sex Lessons
I remember in High School our Health Studies teacher said that on our wedding night, when we have sex with our husband or wife, all the other people we’ve slept with would be sleeping alongside us.
She meant it figuratively, of course — she was trying to get us to think about promiscuity through the frame of premarital sex being a bad thing. How crowded, she seemed to be asking, did we want our marital bed mattress to be?
Sex ed at my high school wasn’t abstinence-based, or even particularly anti-sex or conservative. I grew up in a socially liberal, well-educated New England town.
In fact, this same health teacher ran the Gay-Straight Alliance and took us to a conference where we learned how to put a condom on a banana and all came home with free rubbers and lube.
But even so, she had a unique way of suggesting our future marital bed would give way under the weight of one-night stands.
I wish I could tell her now what my wedding night last Friday was actually like. Our honeymoon started at the end of a very long day.
I couldn’t wait to rip my white dress off, not for sex but for comfort. My heels pinched my feet. The bodice on my dress dug into my chest. I was exhausted from a long day of family drama and badly in need of a nap.
Also, the only sexual partner who I was thinking about was the one right in front of me — my husband.
To be honest, I wouldn’t have remembered all the men I’ve slept with had it even occurred to me to think about them as I eased onto a king-size hotel bed, sipping a cocktail.
I don’t know my exact “number” anymore. About a year ago, my co-workers and I made lists of our sex partners.
I remember my “number” had tipped upwards of 30. Needless to say, I had a lot of sex before settling down. Sex with men. Sex with women. Kinky sex. Vanilla sex. Group sex. Like, a lot of sex.
What no one told me about sex, ever, was that physical intimacy would get increasingly better with age and with experience.
I’m not saying someone with 100 sexual partners is automatically better in bed than someone with three partners; of course, quality is more important than quantity.
However, sexual experimentation leads to sexual self-knowledge and that is an incredibly valuable thing. I know so much more about how to please myself and how to please my partner at 29 than I did at 17.
I want to laugh at myself for what I thought I knew about sex at 17. Practically nothing, that’s what.
When I was in high school. I got slut-shamed by my classmates — like most sexually precocious teenaged girls — for expressing the exact same sexual desires that the boys did.
When I bought myself my first vibrator at 15, it’s because I had seen them advertised in the back pages of feminist magazines; I kept it hidden in my sock drawer.
I learned about sex both with myself and with other people and thankfully the comprehensive sex education at my school taught me how to protect myself from STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
I believed, and still believe, sex is something you can do safely and enjoy for its own sake. But it was people like my health teacher, my conservative parents, and the virgin-until-marriage culture that I would read about in magazines that put the idea in my head that sex was about the end point: marriage.
Sex, at least for white, mostly-straight, middle-class girls like me, was seen as something you were supposed to save while waiting for your real, married life to begin. Real life, of course, wasn’t the sex you were already having.
Men and women you may have been very much in love with and sharing physical intimacy with are dismissed as notches on a bedpost, not, say, the lines on your sexual resume.
With this focus on the end point as opposed to the journey, we shouldn’t be surprised then, at the disdainful attitude some in our society takes towards women who are single, even single by choice.
Single women are told they’re pathetic, alone and desperate, instead of being encouraged to have some precious, good learning experiences. Marriage is just a new station in the journey.
